Update and Hope

[thrownforaloop]

Hey all!

I hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there! I haven't posted here in a few months (I think?), but wanted to just give an update.

So, I moved across country last week to get a new start away from everything. It took quite a few months to get my exBPDw out of my head, but I'm doing a lot better now. Honestly, I'm glad that I moved. Yes, it does feel lonely at times, but it's getting a heck of a lot easier to deal with.

For a while I had her number blocked, but now it's not. She knows I am only willing to talk about my ex step son when she does text and she's been surprisingly good about that. I think once she found out that I was moving (about a month ago) and now especially that I am gone, she no longer sees me as a threat or someone she can use for.

Obviously, not everyone can be as fortunate as I have been and have the ability to move to get away from their exBPD, but I am really thinking that I made the right call in my situation. Now I'm working from home and going to work out a few times a week... .and pretty soon I'll see about getting a divorce lawyer.

She has been pretty worried about the time frame of the divorce, as I'm fairly certain she wants to quickly marry the man she cheated on me with. While, I don't want to break my back to make her happy, getting the divorce quickly will help break some remaining ties that I have to her and she'll have a new target to try to destroy.

Anyway, having been involved with someone so manipulative, rude, angry, unhappy and deceptive was terrible, but things get better if you get away from them. I highly recommend going No Contact with them when you are hurting the most... .that really helped me.

Hope you all have a nice day!

[gotbushels]

After my ex and I stopped talking, I felt like this a lot:

Honestly, I'm glad that I moved. Yes, it does feel lonely at times, but it's getting a heck of a lot easier to deal with.

The relief was a big deal for me too.   

I think once she found out that I was moving (about a month ago) and now especially that I am gone, she no longer sees me as a threat or someone she can use for.

Yes I do think that sometimes the ability of the pwBPD to dysregulate disappears quickly when you're simply less present. The non also sees less of it (if any is there) because there is less exposure. I think this not being seen as a threat or a usable person is also true when the non has a clearer way to disengage an argument with him or her if NC isn't an option.

Thanks for the update thrownforaloop.