How long have you been Painted Black

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We're approaching a significant calendar date for when he and I were together. He is keenly aware of dates. They have an effect on him. Oh, well... .

Lipstick a few months after my break up with my ex I started on New Year's Eve getting fake Facebook messages. Before that 1 week after my  disposal my ex called my home phone and let it ring once. When I called her cel she wouldn't answer. I then texted her asking if she was ok. She texted me back and said it was an  accident.

Interesting. So things like birthdays and anniversaries or Christmas could make a BPDs urge to contact you even stronger?

I can comprehend a BPD making direct contact I just can't understand all the stalking and silent phone calls in the back ground. Especially if they were the ones to discard?

yup my ex told me she. Never loved me and didn't  know why she ever said that to me in the 1st place. She had sent me an email ending things bc she claimed that after 2 moths she found it very hard to  communicate with me! Lies again! So I had called her and that's when she told me she never loved me. Lag blah. I then told her I'm done and  hung up the phone.  Then I unfriended her on my Facebook.  This was a Friday. By Saturday she was stalking me on Facebook and then contacted me  telli g e now I really have no feelings for you what's so ever after finding out what I really was? Lol do t ask me what the heck that was about. Then she raged at me saying I could not keep my emotions in check and I acted like  a child and to think what she could have picked up with and that she thanks God blah blah. Just bascically projecting her crap onto me. So yes she broke it off with me then stalked me after. Crazy

[Confused108]

We're approaching a significant calendar date for when he and I were together. He is keenly aware of dates. They have an effect on him. Oh, well... .

Lipstick a few months after my break up with my ex I started on New Year's Eve getting fake Facebook messages. Before that 1 week after my  disposal my ex called my home phone and let it ring once. When I called her cel she wouldn't answer. I then texted her asking if she was ok. She texted me back and said it was an  accident.

Interesting. So things like birthdays and anniversaries or Christmas could make a BPDs urge to contact you even stronger?

I can comprehend a BPD making direct contact I just can't understand all the stalking and silent phone calls in the back ground. Especially if they were the ones to discard?

yup my ex told me she. Never loved me and didn't  know why she ever said that to me in the 1st place. She had sent me an email ending things bc she claimed that after 2 moths she found it very hard to  communicate with me! Lies again! So I had called her and that's when she told me she never loved me. Lag blah. I then told her I'm done and  hung up the phone.  Then I unfriended her on my Facebook.  This was a Friday. By Saturday she was stalking me on Facebook and then contacted me  telli g e now I really have no feelings for you what's so ever after finding out what I really was? Lol do t ask me what the heck that was about. Then she raged at me saying I could not keep my emotions in check and I acted like  a child and to think what she could have picked up with and that she thanks God blah blah. Just bascically projecting her crap onto me. So yes she broke it off with me then stalked me after. Crazy

[SoMadSoSad]

Interesting. So things like birthdays and anniversaries or Christmas could make a BPDs urge to contact you even stronger?

I can comprehend a BPD making direct contact I just can't understand all the stalking and silent phone calls in the back ground. Especially if they were the ones to discard?

I think shame is a big deal for them and plays a big part.

[greenmonkey]

I believe that I get flipped all the time from Black to white depending on how her life is going.

From the day I ended the relationship and moved her stuff out of my house the madness started. She stalked me incessantly, even when I moved a few hundred miles away she still turned up at my house. I got the fake FB accounts, until I locked down everything, she then moved onto my daughter - fake FB accounts, messaging, and my daughter had to lock down all her accounts including LinkedIn. I also got No Caller ID on my phone as did my daughter. I have had fraudulent Insurance Policies taken out at my address, fraudulent credit checks appearing my credit report the list goes on.

My UBPDexgf runs to a pattern and she has trigger dates, seasons. Significant dates are the day I went no contact - same date every month, Birthdays (mine, hers, my daughters, her sons), the run up to Christmas, New Year, the first two weeks in August, the date I changed the locks on her, Easter (she visits my parents she met twice ! to get information about me and plead being the victim), also new added will be January (the date David Bowie died - that triggered her to create a fake Game Center account and try and add me)

I have everything in place for a quiet life a call blocker on my landline, she is blocked on my phone, a new email address (created 18 months ago), full CCTV so she cannot get with 3 metes of my house.

What am I currently black or white ? who knows ? does it bother me no.

[Confused108]

Yes it seems that some if not all have triggers. When my ex came back into my life I was married. But a Rocky one and was separated . So when I got those calls from Canada and a blocked  call in my cel it was the day after my anniversary. And when my ex discarded me was in Sept the same month my momther broke us up. So yea I belive they are triggered by events that have happened in their lives. And if u want to talk about shame? Yes I have also read and heard about it with BPDs  but my ex has no shame in what she did to me! None!

[lipstick]

I think SoMadSoSad is correct in that shame is at the core of their antics.

It's been almost four years now since I was discarded. And this stuff still goes on from time to time. The "anniversary", if you will, of the discard is fast approaching. With my b'day two days after that. My ex is well aware of those dates. He would NEVER, EVER show this on social media (must keep up the illusion of a perfect life!), but he knows what he did.

My phone does not ring with strange phone numbers. EVER. This has begun (I believe) due to the fact he can no longer cyber-spy on me via social media. So he has to resort to using phone apps (or whatever) to call me and... .hang up. I tell ya' - it must be a tiresome way to live. 

[joeramabeme]

Well I have learned from reading some of Mutt's replies that painting black is not an event, it is a process.  I say that because it is new information for me that has integrated well into my understanding.  If I look at the "process" the final brush stroke was completed close to 2 years ago - this in comparison to thinking that it was perhaps a year ago.

I am not on social media and never have been, but, at times, I could swear she has been in my house.  Perhaps I am being paranoid but I have come home to notice things slightly different and even cleaned up a little bit - something that she would do. 

So like others have said, perhaps the connection remains for her but in a way that feels safe to express, I honestly don't know what to believe anymore beyond the fact that I still, at times, can't believe it at all!