Greetings

[soulsparkle]

Hi everyone. An on and off again relationship has just ended in my life with a woman who has BPD. I'm in a quite confusing, devastating place currently, so will most likely only be reading other threads and articles.

[eprogeny]

Hi everyone. An on and off again relationship has just ended in my life with a woman who has BPD. I'm in a quite confusing, devastating place currently, so will most likely only be reading other threads and articles.

Welcome soulsparkle! 

Ending a relationship with a BPD partner is not easy.  All of us here are right there with you.

Mine just finally really ended a few weeks ago, though it's been a lot of recycling (like you have done) to get me there.  In the beginning I was devastated and shaken to my core, but this site and these forums have helped me tremendously.

I am glad you will read the articles and the posts.  There's just something so incredibly helpful about seeing so many similar stories.  It helped me realize we didn't all date the same person - we all dated the same illness, and it never could have gone differently than it did.

If you're not able to share your story, then don't, but know that we are here for you when you're ready. If you don't mind answering a couple of questions, I'd like to ask a few.  No pressure if you're not able to or don't want to do so yet, though:

If you look at the sidebar of this page there are 5 stages of grief/detachment listed.  Which stage do you feel best suits how you're feeling about the relationship right now?

How long did your relationship last?

Again, welcome to the site.  I'm sorry you are hurting.  There is healing that will come, and we're here to help you get there.

[JQ]

Hello Soulsparkle, "SS"

I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced a r/s with a BPD and ended up here but happy to hear that you found us. You'll find that no one here will pass judgment on  you because we've been where you are, we've felt the pain, we've experienced the recycle of a BPD r/s, some more than others regretfully. We're anonymous here so feel free to open up and let us have some more information as you feel comfortable with. You're about to enter into a whole new world. I would really encourage you to read the articles at the top of the page and the references to the right of the page --------->>>>>>

You'll hear new terminology and if you don't understand something ask. The group is here to assist you in your journey ... .and make no mistake this is YOUR journey. We can't nor would we tell you what to do or say. What we will do as a group will be there to bounce ideas off, give suggestions & share our stories in a way to let you know you are not alone in things you've either experienced or that you are thinking.

On your journey you will choose a path and along your path your will stumble ... .SHOCKER SPOILER ALERT!  We all have so don't feel alone in your thoughts. When you do stumble come here anytime you need to & you'll see the group is here to pick you up, dust you off, straighten you up. Then the choice will be yours to decide what path you choose next. Continue down the path your currently on and see where that goes see how that works out. Choose the path to the right and see where that might lead you or you can choose to sit down & do nothing. The choice has been & will ALWAYS be YOURS to make!

You'll learn new terminology like painted black, painted white, projection, gas lighting, dysregulation, mirroring, boundaries, & the list goes on. You'll learn about push/pull behavior in addition to what a Codependent aka NON is. You'll learn about other types of behavior and how to manage them for YOURSELF!

An important thing for new comers to learn is that this ... .ALL OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU!  It's not about your exBPD, it never was and never will be unless you make it about them.  I would encourage you to seek out a really good therapist who is an expert in Codependent / BPD relationships so they can help you sort through you feelings & emotions through what will be a challenging journey.

As a probable NON you're the "Perfectionist, Knight in Amor, Sheriff with the white hat", you'll learn that this behavior is most likely resulting from a childhood with a BPD parent & you did all you could to make things perfect so your parent wouldn't rage or that to try and achieve some sort of approval or love that never came. You'll learn that once you learn about being a NON this behavior can change but only with the NON commits to the change.

I would read the following books, "I love you, I hate you don't leave me" "Stop Walking on Eggshells" both books can be found at your local library.

It's ok to feel what you're feeling right now ... .it's normal ... .we've all been there. We're here to support you ... .   

J