Does it ever get better

[Agnus M]

Hi, I've been married and in a relationship with a BPD for ten years now.  He refuses to admit he has a problem.  If I even say he has bi-polar disorder he says he will divorce me.  Has anyone else had this experience? 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

I'm sorry that you are in the circumstance that caused you to find these boards.

Your post is a bit confusing. Do you suspect your husband suffers from borderline personality disorder or is bi-polar?

To answer your question, it is typical for people with personality disorders to deny that they have a disorder and become emotionally distraught when it is suggested. From what I understand, they do this because admitting that they have a problem is too shameful or painful for them to deal with.

[Mr. Magnet]

No

[westexy]

Welcome Agnus - Do you believe that your husband is bipolar or BPD? They are different in a number of ways even though they may share traits/symptoms. My husband has both I believe - diagnosed bipolar, undiagnosed BPD that seemed to be triggered by the death of his mother.

Both can be treated, but each situation is unique. What works for one person may not be effective for another.

If you want to try to work with or help your husband, one piece of advice I offer you, no matter what his illness is, is to avoid labeling it when talking with him. As Meili said above, labeling it can bring about intense shame which tends to make matters worse. My husband calls it his "sickness" and that is the only way he is even the slightest bit comfortable referring to it. How to talk about it can vary depending on whether he is bipolar or BPD. When my husband was only exhibiting bipolar symptoms, it was possible to have a civil, rational discussion about behaviors and mental health when he wasn't manic. Now that he exhibits BPD traits - not so much.