Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment-Based "Parental Alienation"

[rarsweet]

Is it ok to post this link? I was blown away... .https://drcraigchildressblog.com/2016/07/

[Turkish]

The second paragraph seems familiar to some stories here.  As for the first?  It's one reason why I don't think I can remarry.

Pathology-Marker Borderline-Style AB-PA:  The borderline-style pattern tends to emanate from an “alienating” pathogenic mother and is characterized by the mother’s exceedingly elevated anxiety and threat perception. In this variant the father was typically led into marriage by the emotionally expressive and sexually seductive charms of the mother’s borderline-style personality, and only after their marriage did the emotional instability, emotional neediness, and high-conflict/high-drama of the mother’s borderline-style personality emerge.  In some cases, this form of the AB-PA pathology will remain dormant after the divorce until the father remarries – i.e., replaces the mother as a “spouse” with a new wife – at which time the “alienation” of the children begins in earnest, often with the children expressing a theme of being rejected by their father’s time spent with his new wife.

In this borderline-style variant of the AB-PA pathology, the mother flamboyantly characterizes the father as dangerous and “abusive,” and prominently displays that the children need the mother’s “protection.”  However, when this threat perception is examined in more specificity, the father’s parenting practices are assessed to be normal-range and the children are in no objective need of “protection.”  The elevated perception of threat is emanating from the mother (from her trauma history) not from objective reality.  As a result of the mother’s (childhood trauma-related) elevated and unrealistic perception of threat, the prevalence of restraining orders and unfounded and unsubstantiated Child Protective Services abuse allegations is higher in the borderline-style AB-PA than in the narcissistic-style AB-PA.

[Sunfl0wer]

I too was blown away.

I do not recall which board, likely this one, but I participated in at least two threads regarding that topic, including Craig Childress, so I know there are at least two discussions on it.  Sorry I cannot locate for you.

[Panda39]

I found this section of the article interesting and a new idea I had not heard before.  (Unfortunately I'm aware of the alienation behaviors because I watched my SO live through much of what was described in the article).

My SO's uBPDxw has never said there was any kind of sexual abuse in her past (it's possible it did happen but she never told anyone) and I know that not everyone with BPD has been sexually abused.  I sent this article to my SO and he said many of his ex's anxiety prone behaviors around their kids were similar to behaviors he saw in his ex-wife's mother (who he describes as not BPD).  I should note that my SO's ex-wife's sister also exhibits BPD or BPD traits.  It's an interesting concept (that to me makes sense) that sexual abuse in a previous generation could create dysfunctional behaviors that could be passed down in the family and lead in part to BPD. (I realize that you have to have the perfect storm of physical brain development, emotional temperament, and life experiences to develop BPD)

Pathology-Marker: For nearly a decade now, I have studied the fundamentally interpersonal, damaged and distorted attachment information structures of the “parental alienation” pathology, working out the various levels of the pathology.  For nearly a decade now, I’ve been studying in detail the pathogen that is inhabiting the attachment networks of AB-PA.

What I noticed early on is that the pathogen (the characteristic pattern of distorted and damaged information structures in the attachment system) contains particular sets and types of damage that are highly characteristic of sexual abuse trauma – particularly of incest.  But they’re not the complete set of damaged information structures, just fragments of the themes, like fragments from the source code of incest trauma in the attachment system.

This pattern of fragmentary damage in patterns characteristic of sexual abuse trauma suggests that the pathology of AB-PA had its origins in sexual abuse trauma, but not in this generation.  The sexual abuse trauma likely entered the family system a generation or two earlier, and only fragments of the trauma remain in the current attachment networks.  Let me be clear, AB-PA is NOT due to sexual abuse of the child.  But there are fragments of damaged information structures that are typically only found in sexual abuse, suggesting that the original trauma that entered the family a generation or two earlier was sexual abuse.

Based on my analysis of the pathology, I strongly suspect that the pathology of AB-PA represents the trans-generational transmission of sexual abuse trauma…

… from the generation prior to the current “alienating” parent…

… into the narcissistic/(borderline) parent as a child through the trauma-influenced pathogenic parenting of the sexually abused parent (the parent of the current narcissistic/(borderline) parent)…

… which then created the disorganized attachment in the narcissistic/(borderline) parent as a child…

… that then led to the formation of the narcissistic/(borderline) personality pathology…

… which is now being manifested into the current family as the symptoms of AB-PA.

This is just a hypothesis – a professionally informed guess – born in my background with attachment trauma and my years spent analyzing the attachment-related pathology of AB-PA.  And just as there appear to be variants of the pathology, there are almost certainly alternative variants in the origins of the pathology.  But if I leave the planet tomorrow I have at least placed these pathology-markers like breadcrumbs on the path so that others could explore the leads pointed to by these markers.

My SO also said that the article nailed his ex's appeal to him and I can confirm much of what was said also described the relationship his ex had with their daughters and his alienation experience when they were going through their divorce.

Thanks for passing this on Rarsweet.

Panda39

[Thunderstruck]

I love everything Dr. Childress writes. Always spot on. I follow him on facebook and love to see his replies to the non-believers ("trolls" as the kids call them, mostly Flying Monkeys).

His blogs are always SO full of information but soo long winded. I wish he made short points so it would be easier to share with people who don't understand because they haven't lived it like we have.

I'm a member of a mommy board that has a step-parenting sub board. You would not believe the amount of times PA comes up (and this is supposed to be the "normal" population). In so many cases children are being rewarded by mom for being nasty to their dad's new wife, new children, step-children (verbally and physically abusive). Dad goes to court to ask for therapy and it gets denied! That's crazy! I also cringe every time they say they want to stay away from the child or have the child stay at mom's house as a solution to the problem... .complete opposite of what should be done.

It completely disgusts and saddens me that this behavior is allowed to continue unchecked. Family court and the way we handle mental health are so, so very broken.

Right now in mental health we’re allowing plumbers and traffic cops to do open heart surgery, and guess what… patients are dying because plumbers and traffic cops are wonderful plumbers and traffic cops, but they’re not competent to do open heart surgery.

[rarsweet]

      I have always wondered if my ex was sexually abused as a child. Now I really wonder if his father was. Ex's upbringing could completely be explained by being raised by someone with an abuse history. I know that ex's grandfather was extremely abusive to the point of backhanding his grandmother at town bbq's. I heard the stories from someone we both know but who made me promise to not tell anyone. I never even brought it up to ex that I heard about his grandfather. This would have been during the 50's and 60's and things were not talked about then. I wonder how far that abuse went now. Of the 7 children in that generation the 3 boys all left their home area as they turned of age. 3/4 of the girls have always stuck close to the mother, even now 2 of ex's aunts live with their 80 something year old mother. The other daughter, the baby of the family, discovered at 50 that her father wasn't her real father. She has had 11 divorces . Totally dysfunctional family generations back.
      My mother is one of 12 children. All 7 of the girls have been in multiple abusive relationships. I always wondered why they chose abusive men since my grandfather was an amazing husband and father who never even swore. I realize they all chose men who were like their grandfather, my grandmother's dad. My grandmother actually ran from home at 15 and lied about her age to marry my grandfather to get away from her dad. I now wonder if my grandmother's upbringing trickled down through her behavior as a mother.
     It may also help explain why some parents are surprised when their child is diagnosed with BPD. They have been good parents to them. Perhaps it is something that somehow has trickled down from the generation before?

[Dutched]

A few weeks ago I opened a topic about PAS and estrangement
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?PHPSESSID=0cb3d5f7d435e23c7918d7f3b8b0e25c&topic=299164.0

Discussed was PAS and estrangement at the topic titled:
Does Borderline revenge EVER end?
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?PHPSESSID=55b0500f715fbdfae2f30ebc3de2bbfe&topic=299131.0

Literature shows, among dr. Craig Childress and David Mallen MD, that PAS is common where a parent shows at least treats of Borderline or Narcissism.
 For those who are interested:
https://drcraigchildressblog.com/2015/03/06/understanding-the-childs-experience/

Literature also refers to it as a Medea Complex.
Medea, the Greek mother in the play of Euripides. A story of intense love turned into deep hate that she killed her kids in order get back at her husband for betraying her.
A dialogue go’s as:
Jason (husband): you loved them and killed them
Medea: to make you feel pain.
 
From: THE MEDEA COMPLEX AND THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME:
When Mothers Damage their Daughter's Ability to Love a Man. Robert M. Gordon, Ph.D.

A psychodynamic model of severe divorce pathology views the Medea mother as "narcissistically scarred, embittered dependent woman... .(who) ... .attempts to severe father-child contact as a means of revenging the injury inflicted on her by the loss of a self-object, her hero-husband." The idea is that the Medea mother is so dependent that she cannot deal with the loss, and thus holds on with hate. Her love turned to hate is so passionate that she destroys that which intimacy between them produced. The hate goes beyond her instinctive need to protect her own children. Medea must make the father suffer more than she suffers for it to be a punishment with revenge and make him feel pain

Gardner (1987) stated that because of the separation these ex partners (mothers) can’t retaliate directly at their former partner they wreak vengeance to deprive the father from his most treasured possessions, the kids.   
The victory results in the psychological destruction of the kids. 

Edition: Second, Publisher: IAPT Press, ISBN: ISBN 978-0-9779616-5-8
An Expert Look at Love, Intimacy, and Personal Growth (2nd Ed.)Dr. Robert M Gordon
See Chapter 5 for the Medea complex. 
A legit download (top right side at screen) can be found at:
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/260083065_An_Expert_Look_at_Love_Intimacy_and_Personal_Growth_Second_Edition

[Ulysses]

Interesting post.  Just to bring in another perspective... .

1)  It's not just mothers.  My D's therapist told me, regarding very hurtful and unhealthy things for my children this first year of our divorce, "The only reason I can figure he [exH] is doing this, is to hurt you." 

2)  Obviously Medea's actions are appalling.  I was re-reading the myth/story this fall because I played the overture by Cherubini.  I found myself interested in Medea's decisions and actions when she fell in love with Jason.  I wondered if today it would be termed not having good boundaries.  I also wondered why Jason didn't see any red flags.  I had never considered the story from a different perspective.  I'd always focused on the climax of the story, not on the years leading up to it.