Really confused

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,  it's been 15 month sense my ex BPD gf split up with me and only 2 months ago for the first time she started waving to me,  after that I that we were waving every time we crossed paths in the last few weeks she has completely stopped and only today she drove past my work place looked in and as I was standing at the front door just turned away,  it a different car to her normal car but I could clearly see it was her,  there hasn't been anything bad happen at all sense she started waving to me or anything,  I just am so confused on why she would act this way,  I thought it was good we had finally started waving to each other I guess hoping that maybe one day we may be able to hold a conversation with each other and say hello,  has anyone an idea what would be going through her mind or why they do this?

[helpmewithbpd]

Hi all,  it's been 15 month sense my ex BPD gf split up with me and only 2 months ago for the first time she started waving to me,  after that I that we were waving every time we crossed paths in the last few weeks she has completely stopped and only today she drove past my work place looked in and as I was standing at the front door just turned away,  it a different car to her normal car but I could clearly see it was her,  there hasn't been anything bad happen at all sense she started waving to me or anything,  I just am so confused on why she would act this way,  I thought it was good we had finally started waving to each other I guess hoping that maybe one day we may be able to hold a conversation with each other and say hello,  has anyone an idea what would be going through her mind or why they do this?

[heartandwhole]

Hi helpme,

I don't think anyone can get inside your ex's head and say why she is waving at you. It sounds like it's a friendly gesture, is that how it feels?

Do you feel that she has some kind of ulterior motive, like re-engagement, which is making you nervous? Tell us more.

heartandwhole

[helpmewithbpd]

Well when she first started waving I was happy to see it happen,  I was happy to see that we maybe could sit down and make a conversation.  What I was really confused about is why she has all of a sudden just stopped waving,  no she just pretends I don't even exist,  I wave every time I see her and now it's just nothing from her,  I'm just over thinking it I know,  I was always hoping maybe we could be friends down the track as we live in a small town,  do people with BPD do this is this common?,  one minute their happy to wave and be nice,  next minute it's like you never existed?

[heartandwhole]

Oh, I didn't understand in your post that she had abruptly stopped waving. I see what you mean now. Well, again, we can't know what's going on with her. If she has BPD, then it is something that we've seen a lot around here, unfortunately. I experienced something like that myself during our relationship, where pwBPD just stopped calling me out of nowhere.

I think it goes back to the idea that often feelings=facts in the minds of someone with the disorder. So, whatever the person is feeling in any given moment is their truth, and they will behave accordingly. What can be very upsetting to others is when the feelings change rapidly, or apparently for no reason (there is a reason: the person with BPD perceives something has changed and feels accordingly). That was my experience, anyway. It can be so confusing and hurtful.

This is where acceptance comes in. She may see the world and your relationship in a radically different way than you do. For that reason, her changes in behavior make sense to her, because things very likely have changed for her, at least for now. Later, things could change again, and she may start waving and being friendly. PwBPD once said to me that he was SURE with every fiber of his being that he had to get away from me, only to say within 24 hours that he didn't feel that way anymore and desperately wanted me in his life. It confused him as well as me, but that is how the disorder can be.

Do you think you can have a friendship with her, knowing that this kind of behavior might always play a part?

heartandwhole

[helpmewithbpd]

I think a friendship would work ok,  I would like to think so being that she had a 13 yo son I was very attached to and sense the break up she hasn't aloud me to see him at all,  we were together just over 6 years,  I know I can't control what she want for him,  so I have just asked early on in the break up of I could still have a relationship with him but he said no.  So I would be hoping I could have a friendship with her later on

[Herodias]

Just  sounds like the push pull -form of control. I wouldn't read much into it. I  know you want to read more into it, but that's how they start sucking you back in... .be careful. The whole " hope you are doing well" rings in my head here. That's how my ex and his mother would give the brush off when they would pretend to care when they really didn't ... .be careful what you wish for.