She went to the store. I never saw her again.

[Naughty Nibbler]

James 509:
I'm happy to learn that some of my posts may have been helpful for you.  I know it was difficult for you to share information about your abuse, as a child.  Sometimes, we need to share some things with others in order to heal.  As Turkish mentioned, you are in a safe place to share.

  I want you to know that I can now see how much of a role I truly played in the split... .  Based on BPD model she really had no chance... .  And of course I want to share it with her... .  And I'm not... ..  I just want you to know that when she softened on me was when I emailed her from a wise mind then went to emotional mind and she felt manipulated and and went NC on me... .  I would to... .  Now I'm just lost... .  I feel panic when I think of loosing her forever... .  I call it a fever... .  Reason why is because it was the best relationship I ever had... .  There was no fighting and we helped each other... ..  And I see I placed her in a double bind... .because I was not taking care of business... .

Wise mind is definitely a better place to be as opposed to emotional mind.  It is good that you were able to reflect upon your situation and find that you could improve upon some communication strategy.  None of us are perfect, and most of us slip up at times.

I'm going to share a few more tools with you to try.  You might find that some of the suggestions below could be helpful for you.

You might find the following book helpful:
THE HAPPINESS TRAP (Based on ACT Therapy):
I bought the Kindle version for my Ipad. If you go to the website below, you can print out several handouts/workbook sheets to use with trying some of the mental exercises in the book:

https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resources

The link below leads to a mindfulness exercise from the book, "The Happiness Trap".  Check it out.  If you give mindfulness practice a try, you might find it a helpful to tame a runaway mind.

https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Informal_Mindfulness_Exercises.pdf

I've found a few breathing exercises that I find helpful, during tense moments.  My favorite is the 4-7-8 breathing exercise from the link below:

www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html

[James509]

Turkish where you the one that talked to me about being in a state of acting helpless? Or what was the word?

[James509]

Desperate... . That's the word... . It seemed like when I was like that she did in fact hit harder... . When I'm confident and calm she is slightly open... . I was only able to show her that once... .

[James509]

How rare is it that both people have BPD?

[Naughty Nibbler]

How rare is it that both people have BPD?

Do you saying you have BPD?

[James509]

How rare is it that the person who thinks their mate has BPD and really its them themselves?

How rare is it that both people have BPD?

[James509]

I just absolutely failed the assessment... .  Omg... .  I feel crushed... .Yes absolutely I failed but CPTSD and BPS are linked to child trauma... ... .  I still have complex PTSD... .  With borderline reatures. ... .  CPTSD you will need to have a MRI And blood work looking for build up chemicals released by the brain and Damage to the adrenal glands... .

[James509]

Sad... .  Wow

[James509]

How rare is it that the person who thinks their mate has BPD and really its them themselves?

How rare is it that both people have BPD?

I still am in need of input on these... .

[James509]

I would not pass the dsmr... .I remember this all now... ... .  Yes I have the key trigger of abandonment but in other places where perception is involved I do not have in particular... .  But other forms of DISASOCIATED and paranoia covert revenge... ..  Etc... .  the main principle that I do operate from is that I have to take a look at my own hundred percent in everything that's going on and what my behaviors will my reactions to what my emotions are in my being honest dishonest etcetera etcetera

[James509]

I have not a single suicide attempt... .  I have never had a plan... .  Have I ever imagined walking out into traffic yes... .  But I have never repedivly thought nor walked one step following a thought... .  But I have been psychotic... .  And delusional but never heard a voice... .Black outs in DID... .disassociative identity disorder I like when you would be going someplace and never know how you even got there can't remember which path you took and some very very intense experience around paranoia thought disturbances not lately though LOL

[Naughty Nibbler]

James509;

Don't get too hung up on labels.  Most people have a BPD trait or two.  The diagnosis of a personality disorder or mental illness can sometimes be a bit subjective.  I've read multiple comments where the person with BPD (pwBPD) has had a different diagnosis from different professionals.  It is sometimes best to focus on managing specific symptoms. 

[James509]

Amen to that... .there are similar deficits... ..  Very... .   Thank god

[Turkish]

DID can be a result of extreme childhood sexual abuse.

It can be harmful to go too far in auto-diagnosing one's self.  This specifically is best explored with a professional.

Regarding BPD, I may have had some traits being raised by a BPD mother.  This is all something you can work through.  We are a support group, and while this is helpful,  we encourage using this resource in conjunction with therapy.  I went regularly for about two years,  and though I wasn't diagnosed with anything other than generalized anxiety,  it was a tremendous help to talk to someone professional and caring.  

[James509]

I have been legally diagnosed... .  I just found that I would do anything to not loose my BPD... .