Rough Night

[tammym1972]

Having a rough night. My ex BPD boyfriend, who I still live with by the way, is staying overnight at his new girlfriend's house. She also has BPD and PTSD. His kids are staying there too leaving me all alone. I'm usually doing something with them.

Worse yet he is bringing her here tomorrow. Mind you they have been together less than a week. She is a lot younger than me, I'm 44 she is 27 and sounds like quite the drama queen. I'm not looking forward to it.

[fromheeltoheal]

Would you agree that's some pretty big boundary busting tammy?  Bringing his new girlfriend over to the home you share together?  Did he ask you if that was OK first?

[tammym1972]

Would you agree that's some pretty big boundary busting tammy?  Bringing his new girlfriend over to the home you share together?  Did he ask you if that was OK first?

No. He said if I don't like it I can move to my Mom's. This is what I get for almost 4 years of only loving him. I know I'm not perfect. I guess my big transgression according to him was not "getting" him and spending too much time on the computer. Well, I work from home on my computer so I don't have a choice.

[fromheeltoheal]

He said if I don't like it I can move to my Mom's.

So do you like it tammy?

[tammym1972]

He said if I don't like it I can move to my Mom's.

So do you like it tammy?

Not that she is coming here. I'm planning on moving out after the first of the year. The thing is we're still planning on going on vacation in December. And yes I really want to. I don't think he has completely let go of me yet. He was saying if the house was bigger I could just stay here and rent a room.

[fromheeltoheal]

Not that she is coming here. I'm planning on moving out after the first of the year. The thing is we're still planning on going on vacation in December. And yes I really want to. I don't think he has completely let go of me yet. He was saying if the house was bigger I could just stay here and rent a room.

It's common to give away our power in these relationships, I certainly did, and part of detaching, most of it really, is taking our power back.  You didn't ask for my opinion, but to offer it, him bringing his new girlfriend over to the home you share without giving you a say in the matter, except to leave, is very disrespectful.  Is it time to put your foot down?  And is part of your anticipation for the vacation you thinking you might get him back?  If that's what you want that's cool, just best to be clear on your motives and where they come from yes?

[tammym1972]

It's common to give away our power in these relationships, I certainly did, and part of detaching, most of it really, is taking our power back.  You didn't ask for my opinion, but to offer it, him bringing his new girlfriend over to the home you share without giving you a say in the matter, except to leave, is very disrespectful.  Is it time to put your foot down?  And is part of your anticipation for the vacation you thinking you might get him back?  If that's what you want that's cool, just best to be clear on your motives and where they come from yes?

I know it is stupid but I do want him back. I thought we were going to be together forever. He told me we would and I belived him.

He has always been disrespectful of my feeling. this is nothing new.

[Larmoyant]

Hi tammym1972, wow, he's seriously disrespectful. Can I ask if his new girlfriend knows about the vacation plans between you two? I'm concerned about your welfare if she decides this isn't on and he agrees.

[fromheeltoheal]

I know it is stupid but I do want him back. I thought we were going to be together forever. He told me we would and I belived him.

He has always been disrespectful of my feeling. this is nothing new.

I don't think it's stupid, I think you're emotionally enmeshed with someone who doesn't treat you very well, and most of us have been there, we understand.

Checking in tammy, it's now "tomorrow", how's it going over there?

Something to think about moving forward, just think about a little, is that you say you want to be in a relationship with someone forever who has always been disrespectful towards your feelings.  Don't hear a judgment there, there isn't one, just something to think about moving forward.

[tammym1972]

Hi tammym1972, wow, he's seriously disrespectful. Can I ask if his new girlfriend knows about the vacation plans between you two? I'm concerned about your welfare if she decides this isn't on and he agrees.

Yes she know and she's not happy about it, she's not happy about me living here either. I'll just take it one day at a time.

[tammym1972]

I know it is stupid but I do want him back. I thought we were going to be together forever. He told me we would and I belived him.

He has always been disrespectful of my feeling. this is nothing new.

I don't think it's stupid, I think you're emotionally enmeshed with someone who doesn't treat you very well, and most of us have been there, we understand.

Checking in tammy, it's now "tomorrow", how's it going over there?

Something to think about moving forward, just think about a little, is that you say you want to be in a relationship with someone forever who has always been disrespectful towards your feelings.  Don't hear a judgment there, there isn't one, just something to think about moving forward.

They are on their way over here and I'm a nervous wreck. I have heart issues and it's making them worse. I don't know if I should stay or leave before they get here.

[fromheeltoheal]

They are on their way over here and I'm a nervous wreck. I have heart issues and it's making them worse. I don't know if I should stay or leave before they get here.

If you were going to do what's best for you, and only you, what would you do?

[Rayban]

@Tammy,

This is not what you want to hear, but you're planning to vacation with an ex is telling you he's bringing another woman to the home you share, and if you don't like it move to you're moms house.

I don't see how this is good for you? He is thinking about himself only. You should do the same and start thinking about what's best for you.

Accepting this arrangement would mean you give yourself totally to him.  Even if that means
Sharing his company with another woman.

If his relationship persists with this other woman, how do you invision you're vacation with him?

[tammym1972]

I know you guys are right. I just texted him and said I'd be here for part of the time that she's here and she would just have to deal with it. He texted me back how rude that was and that she reads his messages! and to only text him if it's an emergency. he's already controlled by her.

She put up pictures of his kids on her Facebook page which is another slap in the face because they feel like my kids too.

I'm just scared and alone. I have panic attack issues and I feel like I'm having one.

I moved here to Indiana 4 years ago by myself started dating him right after. I work from home so I don't know many people. My Mom is out here now but I don't want to tell her because she'll say I told you so. I didn't get out much because he would feel abandoned if I did stuff with other people.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm just scared and alone. I have panic attack issues and I feel like I'm having one.

My Mom is out here now but I don't want to tell her because she'll say I told you so.

She might say that, and where would it come from, because she loves you?  Time to be around supportive people who want what's best for you now tammy, and extreme selfishness is your friend.  Please keep us posted OK?

[tammym1972]

ok, thank you for listening to me ramble!

[tammym1972]

Well I ended up not seeing her after all, just at a distance. He just came home to get some things and go back to her place. They work together so they pretty much together 24/7 now. I'm also not supposed to text him unless it's an emergency.

I'm so hurt and confused.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm so hurt and confused.

I'm sorry tammy.  Do you ever get mad at him?

[tammym1972]

I'm sorry tammy.  :)o you ever get mad at him?

Yes I'm mad now, but more hurt. I just can't believe he is treating me so cruelly. We had a great relations, maybe 2 fights in the time that we were together. The last couple of months is when he started to change, went off on a business trip without me and go to thinking.

He complained that we didn't do enough together. This new girl is into guns and hunting which I am definitely not. But we did do a lot together, just not everything. I thought it was healthy to have our own hobbies too.

His other big complain was that I forget stuff easily. I do sometimes. Just an issue of mine I guess.

But this new girl is so many things he said he didn't want in a relationship. From what I understand she fights with people a lot. He said he would never date someone like that since his ex fiance fought with him a lot. Both girl's have BPD so I guess that is the draw.

One other thing. He was always after me to lose weight and yes I am overweight I agree, but this girl is literally 300 pounds.

So yes, after all that rambling I am mad!

[fromheeltoheal]

Telling you your faults is cruel tammy, and you don't need to buy into them.  Consider that he's saying those things to justify his behavior, and you are who you are, we all deserve partners who accept us the way we are, warts and all, and if he's not willing to do that, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then that's him.  But don't buy it.

I'm sorry you're hurt, I would be too.  And anger can be your friend right now.  That could sound like "screw you pal, if you don't want to be with me you're missing out, go hang out with Miss Piggy, I'm outta here!"  Or something.  But you get the point, if he doesn't want to be with you, it might be best to sever things so you can begin grieving and healing.  But then there's that vacation right?  Who knows, he's only been with her a week I think I remember, so who knows what will happen by then yes?

[tammym1972]

Telling you your faults is cruel tammy, and you don't need to buy into them.  Consider that he's saying those things to justify his behavior, and you are who you are, we all deserve partners who accept us the way we are, warts and all, and if he's not willing to do that, and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then that's him.  But don't buy it.

I'm sorry you're hurt, I would be too.  And anger can be your friend right now.  That could sound like "screw you pal, if you don't want to be with me you're missing out, go hang out with Miss Piggy, I'm outta here!"  Or something.  But you get the point, if he doesn't want to be with you, it might be best to sever things so you can begin grieving and healing.  But then there's that vacation right?  Who knows, he's only been with her a week I think I remember, so who knows what will happen by then yes?

Yes, just a week. I'm hoping that they will get tired of each other. Who know. I'm taking one day at a time.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, just a week. I'm hoping that they will get tired of each other. Who know. I'm taking one day at a time.

One day at a time is good.  And anger can be your friend, as well as selfishness, which gets a bad rap, but really, if we don't take care of ourselves first we have nothing to give.

[tammym1972]

It just gets worse and worse. Now he's bringing her over in the morning. And she's sleeping in my bed. He's not allowed to talk to either. I finally left and went to my moms. I'm moving out asap.

[Larmoyant]

Hi tammym, I know it's painful, but you've made the right decision. Taking care of yourself and not allowing him to hurt you like this. Be strong 

[fromheeltoheal]

I finally left and went to my moms. I'm moving out asap.

Nice! Good for you tammy. I know it hurts, but putting your needs first right now is the best thing you can do, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Take care of you!

[Fr4nz]

Having a rough night. My ex BPD boyfriend, who I still live with by the way, is staying overnight at his new girlfriend's house. She also has BPD and PTSD. His kids are staying there too leaving me all alone. I'm usually doing something with them.

Worse yet he is bringing her here tomorrow. Mind you they have been together less than a week. She is a lot younger than me, I'm 44 she is 27 and sounds like quite the drama queen. I'm not looking forward to it.

That's a big boundary busting and a complete lack in understanding your feelings. Kick him out, if you can, or move out.

[tammym1972]

That's a big boundary busting and a complete lack in understanding your feelings. Kick him out, if you can, or move out.

I can't kick him out because it is his house. He was here before me. I plan on moving out as soon as I get the money. Had to stay at my Mom's last night. I feel like a total fool because she is just renting a room so I had to sleep with her but she was understanding.

I'm back at his place now. They are at her place the rest of the week. Trying not to have panic attacks right now.

[tammym1972]

I'm here at the house but it is so hard. Obviously everywhere I look it reminds me of him. I can't keep running to my Mom's though. I work from home on the computer and I have to get things done.

How can I make it better?

[fromheeltoheal]

How can I make it better?

It's possible in that situation to take your power back and create your own serenity, although it's difficult.  Have you seen a doctor about the panic attacks?  Medication may be the recommendation, although you can also meditate, take deep breaths, control what you focus on, all ways of creating your own personal bliss regardless of what's going on.

Or you could just leave right away, whatever that takes, it would be easier emotionally, and I know you want him back, but he's in a place where he's got some major behavior modification to do before you'll take him yes?

BTW, we do have Saving and Deciding boards here too, where you'll get better input depending where you are.  This is the Detaching board, meaning you're done and you want to move on.  Let us know what fits best for you and we can move the thread.

[tammym1972]

It's possible in that situation to take your power back and create your own serenity, although it's difficult.  Have you seen a doctor about the panic attacks?  Medication may be the recommendation, although you can also meditate, take deep breaths, control what you focus on, all ways of creating your own personal bliss regardless of what's going on.

Or you could just leave right away, whatever that takes, it would be easier emotionally, and I know you want him back, but he's in a place where he's got some major behavior modification to do before you'll take him yes?

BTW, we do have Saving and Deciding boards here too, where you'll get better input depending where you are.  This is the Detaching board, meaning you're done and you want to move on.  Let us know what fits best for you and we can move the thread.

I am on Lexapro and Welbutrin for previous issues. I see my Doctor next week. i used to have Xanax that I took on a needed basis. I definitely need it now so hopefully can get that refilled.

I do need to detach because I will never get him back when he is with this girl. He says she is perfect for him. I'm not even allowed to text him unless it is an emergency because she reads his texts and he's afraid of loosing her.

I still want to be friends though, especially with the kids. how can I detach and still live here? He is hardly ever here so I don't see him often.

[fromheeltoheal]

I am on Lexapro and Welbutrin for previous issues. I see my Doctor next week. i used to have Xanax that I took on a needed basis. I definitely need it now so hopefully can get that refilled.

It's good that you're seeing a doctor.  Is it possible to ask your doctor about seeing a therapist as well, if you feel you could benefit from it?

I still want to be friends though, especially with the kids. how can I detach and still live here? He is hardly ever here so I don't see him often.

It's difficult but possible.  What we're talking about is emotional detachment, meaning you'd think about him, see him, talk to him, whatever, and it wouldn't affect you emotionally.  You mentioned you were having a panic attack when you thought they were coming over yesterday, which indicates you're not detached.

Detachment is a project and there are plenty of tools on this site for guiding you down that path.  It's very early for you and you're still in the thick of it and raw, although no time like the present yes?  Are you ready to commit to getting him out of your head and your heart, even though you're in his house?

[Herodias]

I am going to ask you what a therapist asked me... .after finding out my ex had cheated over and over and after he held me on the floor with his hand over my mouth and put a pillow over my face... ."If not this, what are your boundaries?"  So I ask you... .what are your limits? They respect you less and less for putting up with the behavior. When they are done, they are done. Unfortunately, we have been abused to the point of putting up with this cruel behavior. You sound trauma bonded and that may be why you want him to come back to you and are willing to wait. It is not stupid, it is manipulation. Start really studying about it... .you will understand. You must get strong and you must be willing to listen to your family. Your family and friends  only tell you this because they love you. Make a plan... .it's not worth your self esteem to stay and deal with this. He will only resent you for messing up his new relationship. I am so sorry you are going through this, but you may need therapy to help you here. Don't feel bad, mine brought a woman into our marital bed on Xmas and had a baby with yet another woman before we divorced. You don't want to go through that, believe me! Get away now... .Glad you are making a plan. Be careful.

[tammym1972]

I am on Lexapro and Welbutrin for previous issues. I see my Doctor next week. i used to have Xanax that I took on a needed basis. I definitely need it now so hopefully can get that refilled.

It's good that you're seeing a doctor.  Is it possible to ask your doctor about seeing a therapist as well, if you feel you could benefit from it?

I still want to be friends though, especially with the kids. how can I detach and still live here? He is hardly ever here so I don't see him often.

It's difficult but possible.  What we're talking about is emotional detachment, meaning you'd think about him, see him, talk to him, whatever, and it wouldn't affect you emotionally.  You mentioned you were having a panic attack when you thought they were coming over yesterday, which indicates you're not detached.

Detachment is a project and there are plenty of tools on this site for guiding you down that path.  It's very early for you and you're still in the thick of it and raw, although no time like the present yes?  Are you ready to commit to getting him out of your head and your heart, even though you're in his house?

Good idea about the therapist. Thank you. Yes I am ready. It wouldn't even be so hard if he were staying here. It's hard because everything looks the same but it isn't. Does that make sense?

[tammym1972]

I am going to ask you what a therapist asked me... .after finding out my ex had cheated over and over and after he held me on the floor with his hand over my mouth and put a pillow over my face... ."If not this, what are your boundaries?"  So I ask you... .what are your limits? They respect you less and less for putting up with the behavior. When they are done, they are done. Unfortunately, we have been abused to the point of putting up with this cruel behavior. You sound trauma bonded and that may be why you want him to come back to you and are willing to wait. It is not stupid, it is manipulation. Start really studying about it... .you will understand. You must get strong and you must be willing to listen to your family. Your family and friends  only tell you this because they love you. Make a plan... .it's not worth your self esteem to stay and deal with this. He will only resent you for messing up his new relationship. I am so sorry you are going through this, but you may need therapy to help you here. Don't feel bad, mine brought a woman into our marital bed on Xmas and had a baby with yet another woman before we divorced. You don't want to go through that, believe me! Get away now... .Glad you are making a plan. Be careful.

Thank you Herodias. I will look into the therapy. He is already starting to resent me and I haven't tried to interfere. I was just telling him how I felt and she read the messages and said I was playing mind games with him.

So should I start looking for a new place?

[tammym1972]

And going to my Mom's makes me feel so depressed and like a loser. I know it isn't true but that is how I feel. My Mom has her own issues but she has been supportive.

[fromheeltoheal]

It wouldn't even be so hard if he were staying here. It's hard because everything looks the same but it isn't. Does that make sense?

It does.  You're filling in the blanks and completing the relationship the way it was, but it isn't.  It's a way to keep it alive in your head, which is not what you want to do if you're trying to detach.

So should I start looking for a new place?

That would be my number 1 priority, because screw her, in my case, she doesn't get to treat me like that, no way.

And going to my Mom's makes me feel so depressed and like a loser. I know it isn't true but that is how I feel. My Mom has her own issues but she has been supportive.

Relationships with our mothers is complex, although here's an opportunity too.  She's supportive and you know it isn't true that it means you're a loser.  Could be an opportunity to bond with mom until you find somewhere to live?  And if she's anything like my mother, if won't be long until finding your own place is a good idea yes?

[tammym1972]

I just made the mistake of looking at her Facebook profile. He bought her flowers! He has never done that for anybody! He is the cheapest, miserly person ever. I can't believe it. He warned me when we were first dating that he doesn't do that sort of thing.

I fell like a discarded piece of trash.

[fromheeltoheal]

He says she is perfect for him.

Yes, and did he tell you that in the beginning too?  Relationships with borderlines go through somewhat predictable stages; check this out and see if it speaks to you   https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

I fell like a discarded piece of trash.

Well, you could label yourself that, which probably doesn't feel very good.  Or you could focus on the fact that a man who has always been disrespectful of your feelings, your words, has now done you the favor of removing himself from your life, and may likely end up treating this new gal the same way, once the honeymoon is over, yes?

[Herodias]

They become whatever they need to be with the new person. He will do things that she expects. They act totally different- try and not feel like a loser. I know that's easy to say, because I felt the same way. Once you get away and really figure out what's going on, you will feel like the winner for getting away.

[Fr4nz]

Indeed, as Herodias said BPDs are chameleons, they adapt to the characteristics of the current partner... .its called mirroring, something they do intensely at the beginning of a r/s.

And, as fromheeltoheal said, a relationship with a BPD sufferer almost always unravels in 3 phases: idealization, clinging and discard. You're seeing the first phase with his replacement. Happened to me as well, and to almost everyone writing on these forums.

Really, the only advice I can give you is to establish a total, complete NC as soon as possible, cut every tie, and focus on yourself.

Sadly, having to deal with this disorder its simply not worth it... .a big hug

[tammym1972]

So how can I start to detach when we share a house. I've been at my moms a lot but need to get back and start working. I work online and I've missed two days. I'm scared just thinking of going back. He isn't there for the most part. He's dropping his kids off for their normal overnight visit then going back to his girlfriends. So of course I have to stay there tonight and take them to school. Just wondering how I can make it easier on myself.

[tammym1972]

Thinking about going back this afternoon makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomache. I have birds and cats there I need to take care of too.

[fromheeltoheal]

So how can I start to detach when we share a house. Just wondering how I can make it easier on myself.

There's really two things tammy, there's detaching from him and there's grieving the relationship.  You can help yourself detach by reading a lot here and posting, talking to us, educating yourself on the disorder.  That will shift your focus away from him and change your perception  of him, yourself and the relationship, all good things.

And then there's grieving the relationship which is difficult when you're living in the home you shared.  If it was your home he could move out and you could change things to make it yours, part of taking your power back, but tough to do if it's his place.  To grieve you need time away from him, a lot of time, and your emotions will show up and you'll move through them on the way to your bright future.

And being the caretaker for his kids, kids that aren't yours even though you care about them, is more disrespect.  Why can't the kids stay at the girlfriend's place?  He's surely got a reason, but here's another opportunity to put your foot down yes?

[tammym1972]

I was doing so much better last night. Was actually able to eat. Today is the worst yet. Constant panic attacks. I'm staying at my moms.  She's been really good to me. I told him I can't watch the kids right now. I need healing time. Working on moving out asap. Have to run over there tonight to check on the animals and get somethings. I tried but had to turn back. Been really bad since then

[tammym1972]

I just found out the new girlfriend was texting me on his phone. I thought it was him. She's been saying mean awful things. I'm at a low point right now

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm staying at my moms.  She's been really good to me. I told him I can't watch the kids right now. I need healing time. Working on moving out asap.

Nice tammy!  Good moves.

Have to run over there tonight to check on the animals and get somethings. I tried but had to turn back. Been really bad since then

Can your mother go with you?  Would that help?

[fromheeltoheal]

I just found out the new girlfriend was texting me on his phone. I thought it was him. She's been saying mean awful things. I'm at a low point right now

Just think tammy, who takes someone's phone, poses as them, and sends mean things to someone? 

The good thing about being at a low point is the only way to go is up, and when you do climb out of this, think how awesome life will be, as you leave those two to their dysfunction and create the life of your dreams.  It will happen, one day at a time.

[tammym1972]

I went back to get stuff and my mom went with me and it helped. I have an appointment for the doctor tomorrow. It has went from bad to worse with this girl threatening and belittling me. Stuff that doesn't even make sense. She does it from his phone.

[tammym1972]

The things she says are so cruel. I know it's not true but it still really bothers me.

[fromheeltoheal]

It has went from bad to worse with this girl threatening and belittling me. Stuff that doesn't even make sense. She does it from his phone.

The things she says are so cruel. I know it's not true but it still really bothers me.

That says far more about her than it does about you tammy.  And you do have control over whether you read them or not; is it time to stop communicating with either of them?

[tammym1972]

I've blocked her number. I can't his yet. I still live in that house but been staying at my moms. Also I do t have a car been driving his. Looking back he had me completely under control. He isolated me from my friends and tried to isolate me from my mom. He hated it whenever if go see her. I know classic borderline. I don't t make a lot of money so was using his car. He talked me into renting it instead of buying one. Yes. He charged me 50 cents a mile. So it was hard to get out sometimes other than things close by. Amyway I guess I was trying to say can't block him til I get out of his place and give him back his car

[fromheeltoheal]

Looking back he had me completely under control. He isolated me from my friends and tried to isolate me from my mom.

It's good that you're starting to look back and realize things like that tammy.  Also focus on how much power you gave away, which is a way to shift the focus from him to you.

[tammym1972]

So how do I cope in the meantime. It will take a few days to get money so I can move out. I'm being forced to find a place with my mom. She has her own issues too. But at least she cares about me. Anyway I'm going to have to start spending the night at the old house too. Mom rents a room in someone else's house and I can't stay after tonight. I think ex will be gone through the weekend

[fromheeltoheal]

So how do I cope in the meantime.

First, by taking care of yourself very well, sleeping enough, eating right, drinking enough water, go light on the caffeine and booze or not at all, keep talking to us and your mom, and putting your foot down wherever you can with him.  This is a terrible thing or a great opportunity tammy, depending on what you make it mean, time to take control, own your life and create your own peace.

And then long term seems this guy has isolated you pretty well, time to start building a support system beyond your mom.  :)on't know if you're religious but church is a good way and they're all over, and I work from home on a computer too, and I find going to places like Starbucks and working is a good way to get out, meet people and get some work done all at once.  

What if everything happens for a reason and it serves us?

[tammym1972]

I told him I would be out by this weekend. Moving temporarily in with a friend. Leaving all the keys. We have a pet bird together that I'm just taking. He will be pissed but she's my baby and he doesn't take care of her. So kind of scared.

[fromheeltoheal]

I told him I would be out by this weekend. Moving temporarily in with a friend. Leaving all the keys. We have a pet bird together that I'm just taking. He will be pissed but she's my baby and he doesn't take care of her. So kind of scared.

There's some assertive active tammy, and good for you.  And you're a little scared because you're operating outside your comfort zone with the bird, and that's how we grow, by operating outside it on purpose.

[tammym1972]

Yes I am operating outside my comfort zone with the bird. He's always went on and on about people stealing from him. We talked briefly about me taking the bird in exchange for me watching the kids.

[tammym1972]

I'm moving away to another town about an hour away. I moved here because of him and everything here reminds me of him. I'm hoping that it will make me heal faster.

[tammym1972]

I don't know if I can move to my friends now and I have to be out by the weekend. Getting scared again. I sell online but  scared to even go to the old house to list things to make money.

[tammym1972]

Going to friends for a few days. I'm heartsick over the bird. Forced to get out in 2 days

[fromheeltoheal]

We talked briefly about me taking the bird in exchange for me watching the kids.

Is everything a transaction with him?  Anyway, good move on getting away for a few days, or even moving away, that will help although you've still got the grieving and detaching to do wherever you are.  Not sure why you're heartsick over the bird?

[tammym1972]

Because this macaw is like my child. She is really his but I am the one that takes care of her. He had said earlier I could take Her. Anyway I have moved a few things out. I have two days to move out. Staying at moms again.

[once removed]

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