Missing her. It seems like she loves him a lot.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ex reached out a few weeks ago to apologize for the way she acted towards me and family. She contributes her behavior to stress and taking it out the wrong way. She said i have a good family and it was nice to be a part of it for a while. I apologized and she said its ok we all have our faults. She said she is bettering herself every chance she gets and didn't forget what we did for her. She said she felt bad about everything after the break up. She said she doesnt feel bad anymore but she still had to tell me this and im not a bad person. Then she went on to say she saw a mutual friend of ours and starting saying where she works now. We both congratulated each other on new achievements and that was it. Now im left wondering if she is really changing as i did not expect this from her. And im also wondering if the new guy is reaping the benefits of a new her and am back to ruminating of the good times between us. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm also getting close to going back to check her social media

[SoMadSoSad]

Ex reached out a few weeks ago to apologize for the way she acted towards me and family. She contributes her behavior to stress and taking it out the wrong way. She said i have a good family and it was nice to be a part of it for a while. I apologized and she said its ok we all have our faults. She said she is bettering herself every chance she gets and didn't forget what we did for her. She said she felt bad about everything after the break up. She said she doesnt feel bad anymore but she still had to tell me this and im not a bad person. Then she went on to say she saw a mutual friend of ours and starting saying where she works now. We both congratulated each other on new achievements and that was it. Now im left wondering if she is really changing as i did not expect this from her. And im also wondering if the new guy is reaping the benefits of a new her and am back to ruminating of the good times between us. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm also getting close to going back to check her social media

[SoMadSoSad]

I ended up checking her social media. It seems like she loves him a lot. Some things i noticed and wonder about though is that the day she messaged me is the day she also put back up the picture of them kissing. Also the fact that she reached out to me is weird. When we were together and an ex reached out to me it was a problem. But she is in a relationship and reaching out to an ex and thats not a problem?

[JerryRG]

My exgf got into a fight with her bf last spring, someone told me she was talking suicide on social media. I told my pastor, he she will be contacting me soon, the very next day she text me.

Beware, be very careful because they will do anything for attention including breaking boundaries in the inappropriate ways imaginable.

Sadly they need to survive and will take us down with them when they are drowning.

[Anez]

My T said it best one day when he said: You think logically, she thinks illogically. Stop trying to make sense of what she says or does because it can't happen.

It's natural to have the feelings you had after hearing from her. Missing her is natural because we're normal people. But what i've learned is that when they reach out it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They need to hear you tell them whatever they did to you was ok. they need someone to say something nice to them. Mine reached out last month to say basically the same stuff as yours did.

They say they are bettering themselves, or trying to. But I know mine wasn't after our break. When she kicked me to the curb she said she had to work on herself so relationships mean more in the future. a month later i heard through friends that she stopped going to therapy. then a few months later she texted me saying she's really worked on herself and has learned a lot. yeah, right. they just say things that they think normal people should say but they don't feel that way.

And don't think for a second that her next guy is going to fix her or get a fixed version of her. It's not gonna happen. It never happens. These cycles - as we see here on the boards day after day - are so sadly predictable. these people just go around and around and around leaving a path of destruction behind them.

We just have to move on, learn from it, and learn about ourselves.

[SoMadSoSad]

Thank you guys for the replies. This is the stuff i needed to hear. I guess its a good thing she is still with her bf or else she probably would have sucked me back into her mess.

[Circle]

It's a personality disorder, a mental illness, not a haircut. It doesn't change overnight, in a month, in a year, in five years. The very best may learn how to work with it; like an alcoholic attending AA. That doesn't mean that they aren't without the illness anymore though. Many won't attend counseling or get therapy. Because, they don't feel like it's their problem. It's everyone else's fault. My x went to therapy for a few months and just stopped. And, do you recall how quickly the bordeline behaviors began, when you were with your x? That's how fast they will start with the replacement. They don't turn a new leaf, get it all right, leave you and live happily ever after. You aren't missing out on the new them. There is no new them.

[Anez]

Circle is 100 percent correct.