Update Since August

[Leonis]

Last time, I left the story off with my uBPDex being pregnant.

She is now 21 weeks along and it's a boy. There has been less communications between us other than her ob/gyn appointments and things related to the child.

There were occasions where she sent mean texts blaming me for putting her in this situation. I admit, I should have used protection, but she also had opportunities to use morning after pill or even abortion before the fetus developed too far. This is the woman who actually kept a meticulous record of where she is in her cycle to the point she even documented when we were intimate in an app on her phone.

There were also some texts that seemed like threats when she talked about how this was all the start of hell for me, etc.

Interestingly, when we do meet... .she'd still want to be held, and at different points, told me how she could never see herself becoming intimate with another man again, how we need to have land to solidify our finances, and that our child should not be the only child, etc. Then, there will be texts saying how she doesn't want to be intimate with me ever again.

Currently, I have scheduled a couple's counseling session later this month to help us with co-parenting. She was hesitant at first because I had accused her of possibly having some mental issues in the past. She said that she would attend the session only if I promise I had no other motives than trying to become better parent.

As it stands, I will have a paternity test done at birth to make sure he's really my child and will fight for joint custody. So far, she's in agreement with the demands, but we shall see how things unfold.

She hasn't told anyone in her family that she's pregnant. In fact, she wishes to hide it until after she gives birth. I'm not sure how that works, but whatever.

I really don't know what I should be anticipating.

[One key]

Wow what a situation.

So many ?

1) you want to test if you are the father
2) she wants to hide being pregnant
3) she is using the pregnancy to stay in touch with you and mess with your head

It must very hard for you.

[Leonis]

It must very hard for you.

It's gotten easier. At least, it's not as heart-wrenching as it was when we broke up earlier in May, few weeks before our wedding, this year.

It's becoming somewhat nonsensical and confusing over the last couple of months.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Leonis,

Thanks for the update. Hm, it does seem like you are getting conflicting messages from your ex. That would probably really mess with my heart. How are you handling that? What are your feelings about your ex. these days?

Have you checked into legalities regarding shared custody?

heartandwhole

[Leonis]

Yes, I have checked into the legalities about shared custody. My ex is not opposed to joint-custody because she wants the child to have a father in his life.

As for how I feel about my ex, I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I want things to work out between us, but her temperamental nature makes it difficult.

The couple's counseling session will hopefully shed some insight into the situation. I know the focus of it is about co-parenting, but part of me believes she will probably open further lines of questioning by the counselor just by the way she describes the situation.

[Fr4nz]

Hey buddy,

just to tell you that, even if we can provide only virtual help, keep in mind that we're always here to assist you.

A big hug!

[Leonis]

That is much appreciated.

I will keep you folks updated.

[lovenature]

It's becoming somewhat nonsensical and confusing over the last couple of months.

Just like their behaviour during devaluation: the closer you get, the more you are pushed away.

It all depends on their current emotion of the moment, how it's going with the replacement etc.

I hope things work out as best as can be expected for you.

[Leonis]

It all depends on their current emotion of the moment, how it's going with the replacement etc.

I hope things work out as best as can be expected for you.

Yup, add in the pregnancy hormones, she's really unpredictable. Fortunately, there isn't a replacement that I know of at the time. It seems to me that my ex is fulfilling her "wish" of becoming a single mother and focus on the child (or using him as an excuse) to forgo any relationship because she simply can't handle any.

I've never knew there are people who are so bend on making their lives lonely and miserable.

[Fr4nz]

I've never knew there are people who are so bend on making their lives lonely and miserable.

It is not for nothing that they are labelled as "disordered"... .that's very, very sad.

[Leonis]

It is not for nothing that they are labelled as "disordered"... .that's very, very sad.

My family is a bit worried that she'll prevent me from actually establishing a stable family with another person later on in life. I can see that. It's just that right now, I want to focus on the situation at hand, especially knowing if the baby is indeed mine. I may never find another person since I'm kind of fed up with the whole relationship thing.

I know my ex has periodically asked me about my dating life, urging me to find someone else and how wonderful it will be for me, but in the strangest context possible. It's usually moments before she initiates intimate interactions with me. She's definitely the queen of mixed signals. Or, maybe it's her way of making sure I'm not out of her grasp?

The funny thing is, I'm okay if I stay single for the rest of my life because I'll have my son to look after. So, I'm not sure if she will be giving me exactly that "hell" she's threatened before. The only thing she'd be doing is making herself unavailable and forcing herself stuck in a strange limbo.

[Leonis]

A small update. It's funny how something pops out every 10 days or so. I'll admit that I started the conversation over text this time.

TL:)R: I asked her if she's felt the baby moving. The conversation quickly went south as she started blaming me for getting her pregnant, etc. She accused me of trying to take the baby away from her. She also voiced her unwillingness to go through the legal process for joint custody and asked if we could just do some arrangements between ourselves. (As if that would fly... .)

She later texted me saying that she doesn't understand why I'm attached to the baby because he's not inside me. I wasn't sure if she was serious or... .but I told her that it's because I am the father.

That was a few days ago.

Today, she texted me and asked if I told her family that she is pregnant. It's funny... .I don't want to have anything to do with her family. For those of you who don't know the background, I blocked all her siblings when they started nonsense over social media, especially when one of them told me that I had forced my ex in a relationship with me.

Anyhow, I answered no. She then proceeded to tell me that her mother sent her a long email about stuff. I simply told her that her mom probably knew a lot more than she gave her credit for. Haven't heard from her since.

To be frank, she waltz home from time to time throughout her pregnancy. I know she's not obviously shown, but I'm sure someone would notice. In addition, last time I visited her family, I know for a fact that several siblings still have their permanent address listed as their parents' place. It wouldn't be rocket science to figure stuff out when the hospital send a bill to your parents place.

[heartandwhole]

Hey Leonis,

Nice to hear an update. I agree with you that a legally binding agreement sounds like a lot better idea than just making "arrangements between ourselves." That could be a recipe for frustration.

How are you feeling about your situation these days?

heartandwhole

[Leonis]

How do I feel? Better than before, but still a lot of concerns in regards to future interactions.

She's inconsistent. She's nice and pleasant for a few days and then she becomes hostile and angry for a few weeks. It could be the hormones, but her past behaviors has proven to be nothing new under the sun.

[lovenature]

She's inconsistent. She's nice and pleasant for a few days and then she becomes hostile and angry for a few weeks. It could be the hormones, but her past behaviors has proven to be nothing new under the sun.

You know it all depends on her current emotion of the moment and how you fit into it.

I hope things work out as best as realistically possible for you going forward.