Ex's Hostile Neighbor at Pickups

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Has anyone dealt with an irate neighbor of your exuBPD/NPD during pickups? 

The other day I was dropping off stuff for my S9, in the morning and no one around, and my ex’s neighbor was out.  He saw me “sort of” go through a school bus stopped with the red lights on.  I stopped, and then turned behind the bus, not a good move but wasn’t all that bad.  Poor judgement on my part.

When I got to my ex’s house, and got out of the car, this guy yells at me, loud, and then says something durogatory about me under his breath.  By my observation he was “inordinately” angry based on my infraction. 

I have seen him many times while dropping off or picking up my kids at ex’s house.  Not at all friendly, big, blue collar type of guy.  Ex is friendly with his wife and his son hangs with my S9.  S9 tells me this dad is the one in the neighborhood that yells at all the kids but his own.

As you can guess I have had issues at the transitions with my ex.  Starting arguments, climbing in my car to say good-bye to S9 and S12, etc. 
I’m picking up this afternoon and I half expect him to be waiting for me.  This is my paranoid side, but I also don’t put it past my ex to talk about me.  I had ex fabricate a similar exchange with her boyfriend a few years back where he wanted to get into a fight at a pickup right in front of my kids.

I’m not good with hostile confrontation and may stop on the way home to get some pepper spray just in case.

Any other pointers? 

[scraps66]

Has anyone dealt with an irate neighbor of your exuBPD/NPD during pickups? 

The other day I was dropping off stuff for my S9, in the morning and no one around, and my ex’s neighbor was out.  He saw me “sort of” go through a school bus stopped with the red lights on.  I stopped, and then turned behind the bus, not a good move but wasn’t all that bad.  Poor judgement on my part.

When I got to my ex’s house, and got out of the car, this guy yells at me, loud, and then says something durogatory about me under his breath.  By my observation he was “inordinately” angry based on my infraction. 

I have seen him many times while dropping off or picking up my kids at ex’s house.  Not at all friendly, big, blue collar type of guy.  Ex is friendly with his wife and his son hangs with my S9.  S9 tells me this dad is the one in the neighborhood that yells at all the kids but his own.

As you can guess I have had issues at the transitions with my ex.  Starting arguments, climbing in my car to say good-bye to S9 and S12, etc. 
I’m picking up this afternoon and I half expect him to be waiting for me.  This is my paranoid side, but I also don’t put it past my ex to talk about me.  I had ex fabricate a similar exchange with her boyfriend a few years back where he wanted to get into a fight at a pickup right in front of my kids.

I’m not good with hostile confrontation and may stop on the way home to get some pepper spray just in case.

Any other pointers? 

[david]

"I'm not good with hostile confrontation". Perhaps you can bring someone with you and that would help. You might not be able to do that all the time but do it when you can.

[Turkish]

Can you validate him using the tools? 

I wouldn't recommend going the pepper spray route,  check your local laws regarding such. 

This guy sounds like "one of those neighbors" and you indicate that somethings likely going on with him,  having nothing to do with you.  Can you arrange a pick up near by? 

[scraps66]

Nothing happened but I will be on the look out.  My kids tell me this is one of those neighbors that is never happy.  I got some mace and will keep it with me.  If it does escalate I will demand ex drops the kids off.

[Sunfl0wer]

I'm kind of wondering if this guy is not getting the clear message from you to back off and how outrageous you feel his behavior is.  Are you hiding your displeasure from him?

When he got into YOUR car to say bye to YOUR kids, did you flip out and BEHAVE like that was outrageous?

If you just "played nice" to "appear nice" to "not make waves" in front of the kids or such, then I'm thinking the situation can be solved by some clear consistent messages that match your feelings and some boundary enforcement.

Like:
Hey!
Get the heck outta my car!
Who do you think you are?
What the heck are you doing?
Don't ever do that crap again!

If you don't behave like jumping in your car is outrageous, then why should he think it is?
(Maybe you did, idk)

I am not sure what you can do about anything before the kids are in your possession, before they are in your vehicle, but man, if he pulled that crap again, I'd be calling police for some strange man who behaves aggressive towards me to be hopping into my car with my damn kids... .A report would be filed!

Not sure your level of reaction, but sounds like he may need a clearer delivery of the message.
(Imo, of course)

Idk about the pepper spray.  That stuff can harm the kids if the wind is drawing towards them, or if he is in your car with them, you may get into trouble for harming kids accidentally.  And how the heck is it considered "self defense" to use on a guy saying bye to your kids?  Check out your laws on that one... .it could get messy.  If you have resorted to pepper spray, better first resort to filing a police complaint for behavior like hopping in a car instead to show effort to keep this guy in line, no?  Yet this was many days ago, idk, maybe you can file something regarding "harassing" you, depending if you think it warrants that, if he is really starting arguments and approaching you spewing crap about you unprovoked. 

Maybe you can tell police to escort you at pick up, state he jumped in your car last visit, and you do not want to have to get physical to remove the guy in front of your kids, can they please communicate to him to keep a safe distance to avoid things escalating?

(Idk, tho, kinda hard to ascertain how bad it is, if he is escalating, or persisting in face of you being extremely clear and firm, maybe you need police.  Yet, if you have not been clear enough, maybe start there.  But if you fear spraying him with pepper spray or such, take police to avoid a physical alteration.)

[scraps66]

Sorry, Sunflower.  That wasn't the neighbor getting into my car, it was my ex.  I was picking my S9 up a couple years ago, it was his birthday, and ex needed to give him a "proper" good-bye which included getting in my car, and giving him a hug and a kiss.  And, yes, she clearly knew how crazy I felt her behavior was - and it has changed nothing.