Work with BPDex, and she's leaving Do I attend her going away breakfast ?

[Rayban]

Found out a week ago that my BPDex that I work with is leaving! I won't have to see her everyday which is fantastic news.

I spoke to her last week to congratulate her on getting the position  (same company, different location ) was privy to more devaluating, blaming, and shaming. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I regretted it. It was just the same old but with more venom. Haven't spoken to her since.

The thing is, is that there is a going away gathering tomorrow morning (coffee and doughnuts) in the workplace.  I don't feel like going. She clearly stated that she hates me which is fine.  My problem is that I don't know what the reaction of my co-workers will be for not showing up. Most know that we were an item, and she is pretty influential. I know she has already smeared me, and I don't want this to backfire on me, as them seeing me as the bad person and not being a team player.  I don't know what the turnout will be as it's scheduled 30 mins before the work day begins.

Personally I feel I have no reason for going. I just don't want her to spin this as something along the lines of, "see I told you he's bad, and isn't part of the team".

If you were me would you go just to make a presence?

[valet]

I wouldn't go if I were in that situation, to be honest.

She's talking about you behind your back, has told you that she hates you, and is leaving.

And since it's not happening during the workday, you have the perfect out.

Here's a question though: do you think it'll stress you out more if you go or don't go?

[Rayban]

Hey Valet,

Thanks for the reply.  Great point about it not happening during the work day, as it would be on my time.  I'm perfectly fine with not going as seeing her fakeness around other fake people that she has bad mouthed when we were together is enough to make me sick. On top of that I would have to see her with other guys who I suspect she's been with.

My stress comes from not knowing what others will think. Then again I'm there to work, and they'll think what they want to regardless.  I'm really leaning towards showing up at my desk at 5 to 9:00 am. Let them think what they want.

[fromheeltoheal]

I don't feel like going.

That's all that really matters Rayban.  Then again, sometimes we need to do things we don't feel like doing in a corporate environment because it's good for our career, like going to the company Christmas party and thanking the boss and complimenting his wife (or husband, depending).  That's probably the best focus, your job and company politics only, and also since she's leaving whatever she says will have an expiration date and won't matter, sooner rather than later.

Sidebar: I used to work with my ex too, and the day she got fired was a joyous day, I felt the weight just evaporate off my shoulders, so enjoy the heck out of that.

[Rayban]

Thanks for the reply FHTH,

I did not work directly with her, and the event is organized by her boss, not mine . Pretty cheap with just coffee and doughnuts, but it's the thought that counts I guess.

I just find it wierd going out of my way to attend a function for a person who I haven't spoken to and has clearly stated her hate for me. Not to mention the immense heartache she has caused me.

I'm going to do what's best for me.  If they hate me for it so be it.

[SoMadSoSad]

Thanks for the reply FHTH,

I did not work directly with her, and the event is organized by her boss, not mine . Pretty cheap with just coffee and doughnuts, but it's the thought that counts I guess.

I just find it wierd going out of my way to attend a function for a person who I haven't spoken to and has clearly stated her hate for me. Not to mention the immense heartache she has caused me.

I'm going to do what's best for me.  If they hate me for it so be it.

Nice boundary.

[Pretty Woman]

Not to be all passive-aggressive but I would take the day off or call in sick if it looks like they are going to be jerks over it. You shouldn't have to attend but I know what it's like in some work places.

Stand your ground. If you don't want to be there, don't go. It really is a strong boundary.

 

[Rayban]

Well I stuck to my guns and did not attend the breakfast.  Had to endure some dirty looks from some of her friends.  I was a little uncomfortable and began doubting my decision, but then I thought I avoided giving her a reason to talk to me nothing good could come out of that.

In the end it might be thought as being childish, but I don't want to give her any additional reason to contact me.  I'm hoping if there is an aftermath to my decision with other coworkers it will blow over in time when the gossipers move on to the next office gossip.

[SoMadSoSad]

Well I stuck to my guns and did not attend the breakfast.  Had to endure some dirty looks from some of her friends.  I was a little uncomfortable and began doubting my decision, but then I thought I avoided giving her a reason to talk to me nothing good could come out of that.

In the end it might be thought as being childish, but I don't want to give her any additional reason to contact me.  I'm hoping if there is an aftermath to my decision with other coworkers it will blow over in time when the gossipers move on to the next office gossip.

Wow are you sure you work with adults and not teenagers? Sheesh.

[Anez]

Way to go, Rayban. You made the right decision. You made the decision that was best for YOU. Don't worry about what others think because who the heck are they?



Congrats on having her gone from work. I can't wait for the day that mine is gone from my work, too!