GI,
Those are hard things to hear, coming from someone you love. It's normal that they sit with you and are hard to forget and hard to digest. It sounds like that was compounded by the fact that she moved on with a "friend" so quickly. Be patient and kind with yourself -- it's natural that you will need some time before you are ready to move on and trust again. Three months is not a long time to process a challenging relationship and a painful break-up.
Logically, I thought in every way to prevent myself from wanting her back. But after certain time pass, I become immune to those thoughts and begin ruminating again. I still sometimes hope for that day where she realize I love her but I need to detach.
Logic is one thing, emotions are another. Logic is an important first step in detaching. You recognize at a rational level all the reasons why you need to detach and let go of this relationship. It will take more time for you to work through the emotions -- to recognize the emotions you're feeling, not to push them away, to accept them for what they are, and to learn new ways of responding to them.
My question is could my boundaries been so strong that she decided to look for validation elsewhere? Where is her "unconditional love" if she could just find a replacement in a month?
Questions many of us have asked ourselves after these kinds of break-ups. But, ultimately, does it matter what her motivations for leaving were? Does it matter what her understanding of "unconditional love" is? More important are her actions, and you've made the decision to detach based on how she acted. So, if we turn to that challenge, what kinds of thoughts and feelings do you find yourself focusing on when you ruminate?
It has been 3 months NC. Now that I've god a good paying job, there are times where I want to share my success with her but it sucks not being able to. There are so many things I thought back which I could have handled differently. Lots of "what-ifs."
All perfectly normal after only three months. That's not to say it's easy. It's a normal response, but still a painful place to be at times. What kinds of "what-ifs" do you get caught up on? And what kinds of feelings does that trigger?
Also find it hard to trust other girls again. If anyone can provide experience with that, it would be helpful! Thanks!
Time, patience, compassion with yourself! Maybe not the answer you're looking for if you wanted to be feeling good on the dating scene again. But if you're having a hard time trusting, then it might be an indication that you need to focus on digesting this past relationship first.
