Inviting my family to my wedding

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I left my family a year and a half ago when I realized my mother has BPD. I have 4 siblings and a father, none of whom will admit that my mother has any psychological issues. I kept contact with everyone except for my mother until about 6 months ago. I had issues which each of them regarding the fact that I had moved out and wouldn't speak to my mother. The only member of my family I have not had any personal issues with is my youngest brother who has always been the peacemaker in the family (my role before I left).

My boyfriend has been through all of this with me. We are discussing marriage and are both comfortable with my mother (if not my whole family which is more likely right now) never being involved in our lives. I hope my future children never have to go through the emotional turmoil of meeting my mother. We want to get married in the small town where we and all of our friends live (unfortunately my family lives there as well) and we are Catholic so we cannot elope or just get married in a courthouse. While I know I don't want my mother there or anyone in my family being involved in the wedding party, I don't know if I should invite any of them. The only one who I am on good terms with is my brother, but we rarely talk anyway because I know he will be forced to repeat anything I say and that my siblings see him as a traitor for speaking with me. I fear if I invite them my entire family will show up and ruin the day (although this could happen even if I did not invite any of them)

Is it okay to not invite anyone in my family to my wedding?

[lu3]

I left my family a year and a half ago when I realized my mother has BPD. I have 4 siblings and a father, none of whom will admit that my mother has any psychological issues. I kept contact with everyone except for my mother until about 6 months ago. I had issues which each of them regarding the fact that I had moved out and wouldn't speak to my mother. The only member of my family I have not had any personal issues with is my youngest brother who has always been the peacemaker in the family (my role before I left).

My boyfriend has been through all of this with me. We are discussing marriage and are both comfortable with my mother (if not my whole family which is more likely right now) never being involved in our lives. I hope my future children never have to go through the emotional turmoil of meeting my mother. We want to get married in the small town where we and all of our friends live (unfortunately my family lives there as well) and we are Catholic so we cannot elope or just get married in a courthouse. While I know I don't want my mother there or anyone in my family being involved in the wedding party, I don't know if I should invite any of them. The only one who I am on good terms with is my brother, but we rarely talk anyway because I know he will be forced to repeat anything I say and that my siblings see him as a traitor for speaking with me. I fear if I invite them my entire family will show up and ruin the day (although this could happen even if I did not invite any of them)

Is it okay to not invite anyone in my family to my wedding?

[Panda39]

Short answer... .Yes.

It is okay, this is your life and your wedding.  Weddings are emotionally charged events in the best of situations and there can be a sense of obligation to invite people particularly family but obligation is not a good reason to invite someone.  This day should include the people in your life that love and support you and your fiance not people that have been abusive even if they are family IMO.

Panda39

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome LU3: 

I'm so sorry about your situation with you mom and the rest of your family.  Congrats on your marriage proposal!  It's you wedding, so you shouldn't feel you have to invite anyone you don't want there.  If your parents chipped in, to pay for the wedding, then that would be a different situation.  I'm guessing that isn't the case.

You deserve to be surrounded by supportive people on your wedding day, who are happy for you. You could always get in touch with your brother after the wedding and let him know you didn't want to place him in an awkward position.  I think a lot of men hate going to weddings in general, so it might not bother him to not go to your wedding.

As far as the rest of the family, you can always resume contact with any of them at some point later in life.

You would probably want to take some measures to keep things quiet. Would you be inviting anyone who stays in contact with your parents?