Tens calls a day

[Jacidrinkswine]

I have set a boundry of no contact. We have not spoken in close to a month. I still get between five to ten calls a day . In addition I get emails and text. I am following the advice of my therapist and attorneys and am not responding. I want this to stop. Any advice?

[fromheeltoheal]

Any advice?

Just the standard advice: use technology to block or delete, change phone numbers, all of that.  Another choice is to notice what emotional reaction you have to each message and play with it, see how well you do at not letting it matter, and with that focus you'll get better at it with time, a great way to check in and see how your detachment is going.

Borderlines can go into an extinction burst, as it's called, characterized by the extreme messaging you're getting, a panic of sorts caused by the interpretation they've been abandoned, their worst fear, regardless of what the details of the relationship were and who left whom.  That will peter out on its own over time, but knowing the reason behind it can help.

[Larmoyant]

Jaci, I'm not sure if my experience reflects an extinction burst, but my ex bombarded me with texts/calls at first, but they seemed to get less and less and he's now gone away. It took 10 months, but that's because I kept responding. I eventually tried to keep all emotion out of my replies and it seems to have worked. He's gone. I'd recommend FHTH's advice. Keep to your boundary. Pull the band-aid straight off. Less pain in the long-run.

[Pretty Woman]

They want a reaction/response. I had an ex friend do this several months ago. With her, and because she was calling me at work and my phone bounces to others when I am not at my desk, I texted her we could "talk at a later time but not when she is behaving so poorly".

She stopped and has not bothered me in 8mo.

Had it not been my job I would have just ignored it. I tried to contact her husband on FB to stop it, only to find he had blocked me from contact. Her mom is dying of Parkinsons and I refused to contact her parents. I was not sure what to do.

This was a friend since childhood that just snapped. It clearly was a break of some sort and I believe it was due to the loss of her child. I did not want to get her arrested or in trouble, yet I already went through this crap with my BPD ex and didn't want to get fired either.

I have had this happen with several people in my life. More than I can count. I am trying to fix whatever is attracting this.

Anyways, to your post Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.

 
PW

[unsureuncertain]

I am sure the phone calls and unwanted contact is annoying.  It certainly was for me when I was bombarded with phone calls and emails from my ex. We worked out a compromise of sorts where we spoke briefly one to two times per week. This prevented her from feeling abandoned and stopped the many calls at other times. Eventually I actually looked forward to the calls since we knew each other so well.  Over time the communication on a weekly basis stopped because we outgrew each other and we both realized communication was pointless. However, every now and then one of us reaches out to check in with the other.  I'll always care for her. With this method, we were both able to move on in a productive and healthy manner.