Intro

[mtnlady]

Our story: We believe our DIL has BPD.  We have had a stressful 4 years since our son has been with DIL. We are just beginning to learn about this disorder and see that it fits our DIL perfectly.  We love our son and believe he is realizing that our DIL has this disorder.  We want to learn more about this disorder so that we can understand the best way to support our son.  We're blessed that we have each other and that we also have our DD.  We are pulling back from our interactions with DS/DIL as a means of self preservation as we are so tired of being hurt. 

[HappyChappy]

Hi Mtnlady,

Welcome to the board. The fact you have identified the source of friction is good,  and if your DS is onboard even better. I and probably most others on this website, can empathise with you on how difficult it must have been for you to deal with this over the last 4 years. But there are many techniques that can make that easier for you.
Please feel free to discuss the behaviour that you find most challenging. Pulling back, or going low contact LC  (as people term it on this website), is a valid approach. But there are other approaches to explore. BPD is a big topic, so feel free to post questions. What behaviour do you struggle the most with ?
 

[Kwamina]

Hi mtnlady

I would like to join HappyChappy in welcoming you to our online community. BDD is quite a challenging disorder indeed. You believe your DIL has this disorder, could you tell us a bit more about her specific behaviors that have led you to this conclusion?

When dealing with people with BPD, setting and enforcing/defending boundaries is very important to protect yourself and preserve your own well-being. That's why I totally understand why you would distance yourself a bit from your son and DIL to prevent yourself from being hurt again. Like  HappyChappy points out, there are also other things we can do, specific strategies and techniques that can help us better deal with the people with BPD in our lives. I encourage you to look around on this site and explore the resources.

How would you describe the relationship your son has with your DIL? How does your DIL treat your son?

Take care