help, please: should i contact her?

[Renard]

hmmmmm, it is good to hear from you. Thank you for writing. Let me offer an update: my partner is out of the hospital. We have had some contact (texts and one phone call), and we are keeping things at the level of friendly conversation, even though there is a lot that needs processing. My reply is going to get a bit rambly now, but here goes.

I believe this forum has given me some pretty good insights--especially not taking things personally. I also understand that to delay talking about what has happened is my partner's coping mechanism, so I've found it okay to let go of the idea that we should talk about what happened any time soon. 

hmmmmm, thank you for such a good question. In a sense, it is not so much what I would have done or not done previously because before the relationship I felt quite alone, but in a positive way. I've always been good with solitude, but the events of the last few weeks left me feeling more alone that I could have ever imagined. Solitude is basically good to me, but this loneliness has been awful, a kind of pain that I can't even begin to describe.

I've been journaling a fair bit, and I've been reading about things a lot. I am clear about sticking with the relationship (no matter what, for my part). I don't like qualifying that remark, but my partner also has to settle whether she can stick in some way. We talked enough to know that she needs to rethink the way she terminated our relationship.

I don't think I'm setting myself up for a disaster because she was definitely disregulating when we split. She is much more settled now, so we know we can take things really slowly and stay at the level of friendship right now.

She left the hospital with a diagnosis of bipolar (and apparently a bunch of meds), yet it's not my place to question that or to chip in with my pretty clear sense that there is BPD at work also. I find myself weary of diagnostic thoughts, but glad to know that irrespective of the exact diagnosis it makes sense for me to respond *as if* it is a compound of bipolar and BPD. Such responses have helped me a lot and they have also made it possible for my partner and I to talk once on the phone. Perhaps the most important thing of all, this forum and this experience is making me focus on how I have contributed to negative things in the relationship. 

hmmmmm, rambly is a bit of an understatement. How do things stand with you and your partner?

 

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