Hi aj4599,
Sounds very difficult to have the goal posts moved like that
Looking back through a bit of your story, she tends to not stick to plans and cancels on you last minute.
People with BPD tend to have out of control feelings and can be very impulsive in how they respond to those feelings. As hard as it may be, our role is often to stabilize with structure and firm boundaries. I'm guessing that is why she is disparaging for no seemingly good reason.
She asks you to come, you ask a reasonable question, she goes off on you.
Maybe you can look at this in the context of a bigger pattern. Is she looking for confidence that you can hold steady in her storm of emotions?
LivednLearned -
It's just been one of those days today. Not long after I posted this, I got a facetime call from her where she was so sweet, talking about how much she missed me, loved me, and wanted to do a trip like that with me. We talked for maybe 30 minutes. It was great.
Later in the day, another call, showing me some of the resort.
About an hour ago, a third call, during which she "jokingly" spent the whole time insulting me. She started telling me a story about the husband of some woman she was talking to coming on to her, and when I started to ask about it she hung up. I sent a few text asking what was happening and if I'd upset her, to which i got the response "what... ."
She called me back just now. Said she couldn't remember hanging up on me. I asked what was going on and she cheerfully said she had to shower but would call me back. Hung up again.
There are days like these. Especially when she's drinking. But from the morning, it was that love you/hate you vibe. And not just me, with her family apparently as well (I heard separate stories about fights with her parents and how her sister was being mean to her).
These are the times I know I need to be the stable force. But it's hard being far away. My insecurities and anxieties that come out when she goes into this mode make it really hard.
