Hi DBGrl93,
I'd like to join
Harri and welcome you to bpdfamily. My dad isn't BPD he shows traits of an anxiety disorder but my ex shows traits of BPD. I have controlled contact with both but it's really controlled with my ex. I'd like to echo Harri, everyone's situation is different and requires different choices and needs, its not one size fits all and NC is not a hard and fast rule, you can tweak it, remove, leave it, re-add it.
I chose controllerd contact because both are self absorbed and are not conscious of how invalidating and hurtful that they are. They're both mentally ill with different severity but it doesn't give them carte blanche, they really should take ownership and try to to do self work to improve. That being said, NC really is about self protection and boundaries. Boundaries is self compassion or self love, it's like an invisible outward layer that protects us from harm.
My ex regardless of baiting, blame shifting, condensation etc I don't share anything personal ( same goes with my dad ) and I respond to what is valid, we only need to talk about the kids and nothing else. I let my dad have contact with the kids but when it comes to me, I don't share anything personapl its easier with him though because he supresses and avoids his feelings which in turn causes him more anxiety. I used to try to please him, I learned a lot about relationships here and he's just not capable with r/s', he has very black and white thinking and he's incredibly invalidating, he sees me as mostly all bad. I have good and bad qualities.
Do I have regrets? No. I say that because it feels good to stick up for myself and say enough is enough. I can't control others but i can control how I react, it wasn't easy at first because I have low esteem and I was always more worried about other people's feelings over my own feelings, I found my voice, my personality in this process, it took time, particle and it helped to talk about it here with supportive and non invalidating people.
