Hi MJ,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I
at The Matrix reference, that's good. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I can see how the situation would feel hopeless and grim. You're not alone. I didnt know about BPD in my r/s, I had never heard of personality disorders and a few years into the r/s I thought that I was losing my mind. I really believed that what I was going through didn't have a name and I was the only person going through it.
I have shared custody with my ex. My advice to live in peace after the break-up is to learn about the disorder because the behaviors are not personal eventually you'll see patterns. For example, BPD is a persecution complex and the person believes that their circumstances are not firsthand but are caused externally and the person will blame the others. With that being said, your ex will cast herself in the role of victim, sometimes rescuer and rarely persecutor. A pwBPD will cast you in the role of persecutor or vast you as the bad guy, these roles are polarized and create a lot of unnecessary drama. Your ex v8an cast you in whatever role bu it doesn't mean that you to play that role, identify when you're triangulatea and don't take any sides, remain in the center of all the corners of triangle it's the most compassionate role to be in.
That being said, I can relate with you, my ex will rescue the kids and cast me as persecutor because she has native feelings about herself and will project that but it doesn't mean that I have to play , the potential conflict doesn't escalate because there's nothing that fuels it . When the marriage is over it doesn't necessarily mean that the conflict is over, my ex is who she is, she has an attachment disorder but if I set limits, she does get the picture, it took time, I made a lot of mistakes but with practice it becomes second nature. I hope that helps.
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle 
