The Trail of Destruction Part 2

[JohnG]

Some of you might have read my thread "The Trail of Destruction".

This is the continuation of that.

About three days ago I received two long text messages from my Ex saying that "I can see my son in her old town once a week for about six hours a day". Also that I can take him for a drive etc. But her condition was that she will come to with him. She can stay at distance but  she 'll be there watching us for the entire six hours.

She texted me after five and a half weeks of No contact.

I did not reply for 48 hours but then gave in.

She kept  on texting to me " A corpse loves his Excecutioner". That text was sent to me 10 times that day. Also urging me to stay good friends with her. Telling me how life would be so much easy for her if  we were friends.

Also telling me and urging me to leave the BDSM scene as my so  won't be proud when  he founds out.

My son is only 18months old.

She is rather immersing herself deeply in the scene these days but still coaxing me to leave the scene. She puts down online that she is coming to the BDSM party or event that I have put myself going. But does not turn up.

And then she went on texting saying" She misses playing chess and reading Poetry with me"...

How it's not easy to find  lover who can do both play chess and dabble in Poetry.

After about 7 hours of texting I told her that "Please stop contacting me coaxing me to leave the scene. I can still come to see my son but don't feel comfortable conversing with her face to face. Why should I leave the scene when she is immersing herself in it".

She did not like it. She accused ne of stalkig her profile on the Bdsm site. While from her texts it was apparent that she has been very closely watching my profile.

I feel like a dork for beaking no contact. And not letting the lawyer do the visitation sorting.

I was almost ready to go see my son. But in the end i did not go.

Having a very bad day today.

The contact after five weeks left me reeling with unbearable pain.

She also accused that I am not being her friend because she has a new play partner associated with her on her profile.

Such a sense of entitlement.

I am feeling terrible...  

[JohnG]

I could not resist texting her yesterday. Her story about moving 1000 kms away was a lie. She is still somewhere in her old town...

It feels just Yesterday's contact has plummeted me in a very deep depression.

She is flaunting the new guy online. And telling me to be her friend. Also she wont let me see my son without being present there.

She also mentioned apart from Board Chess I have been the best opponent that has ecer played CHESS Of LIFE with her. Like if this life is just a game to her  

[JohnG]

Four days ago I was feeling my normal self. Now it feels like I am back to square one. Or even worst.

[once removed]

hi JohnG, and sorry to hear that you are hurting.

ordinarily, i would encourage you to slowly remove this person from your day to day life. in this case, there is a child involved.

right now it sounds like things are messy because the two of you are still enmeshed and rehashing old debates. things will remain messy if this continues.

the best advice i can give you is to peruse the stop the bleeding tools on the conflicted/deciding board, and to seek co-parenting advice on the co-parenting board. communication is obviously a necessity in this case, and in this equation it likely falls on you to ease the stress on yourself, and for your child. it can be done.

getting a lawyer was a good step. are you seeing a therapist to sort through these difficult feelings?

[JohnG]

The feeling are horrible. It's like I am carrying the weight of the world.


She want's to stay friends. She want's to be there when I see my son.

I refused her presence. She did not like it very much at all. She is already with someone.

Why stay friend's with me.

Today I got an email from her that she wants to involve Salvation Army to help with child visitng arrangements. She forwarded me an email today in which she was clearly giving instructions to the Salvation Army person " Please make sure He does not.know my place my home. It is very very important to me".

I mean what the flying f***. Two days ago she wanted to be.my.friend
 And now she is acting like I am going to go stalk her in the middle of the night or something.

Just any communication or  meeting with her drags me down.bad. I feel totally immersed in depression after any contact with her.

And that worst feeling of crawling under a tree lasts at least for 48 hours.

It is utterly horrible. She want's total control on how and when I can see my son. She wants me to leave BDSM scene while she is immersing herself in it.

What is this agenda of punishing me?

This vicious hatred of me. And then two days ago she wanted to be my friend and.hang out with me and.my.son for 6 hours ?

[Fr4nz]

Man, she's crazy and plain cruel. She pretends to be "friends", yet she keeps humiliating you by various means and uses the children as a tool against you.

Horrible, just horrible.

I think getting a lawyer was the best thing you could do. Also, keep your distance from her as much as you can: this woman clearly exhibits sociopathic traits. In my opinion, she wants to stay "friends" because she has some plan in mind.

[JohnG]

Fr4nz : You said it man
Humiliation and Castration. That'ts how I feel.
It's time to go pump some iron
 At least then I can sleep.

[Skip]

sociopathic traits. In my opinion, she wants to stay "friends" because she has some plan in mind.

  Fr4nz

Can you enlighten on the your Sociopath thoughts? Sociopath is an extreme case of ASPD. Sociopaths tend to be nervous and easily agitated. They are volatile and prone to emotional outbursts, including fits of rage. They are likely to be uneducated and live on the fringes of society, unable to hold down a steady job or stay in one place for very long. It is difficult but not impossible for sociopaths to form attachments with others. Many sociopaths are able to form an attachment to a particular individual or group, although they have no regard for society in general or its rules. In the eyes of others, sociopaths will appear to be very disturbed. Any crimes committed by a sociopath, including murder, will tend to be haphazard, disorganized and spontaneous rather than planned.

Keeping it real - helping others in emotional turmoil stay centered is really important.

I think getting a lawyer was the best thing you could do.

  JohnG  With respect to seeing your child, this is really good advice from Fr4nz. With a child this age, it can be very difficult to reach a mutually satisfactory visitation agreement without external intervention. Your case certainly shows that.

I am not sure I she is reAlly gone or if this is all a head_____.

I am in a very dark place.

This is what is killing you right now. It's leading to doormat-itis. She is walking all over you. There are many possible reasons - not all about you - but none-the-less, it is not good for you.  If you want to rekindle, you have to end it (allow some time, see what develops). If you want to end the near term humiliation, you need to end it. I'm not saying no contact - I'm saying the game in which she is the shoe and you are the doormat.

1. Hire the lawyer and let him work the custody issues. He'll get you "hold you head high" time with your child.

2. Get off the social website or at least change your identity to one she can't follow. Get a friend to monitor her for event conflicts (and nothing else).

3. Give her space. Ignore the baiting texts. Remove the doormat from the doorway.

4. Greatly limit your communications, and center them on respectful things. Respectful, respond. Disrespectful. Silence. Be light. Do not enter into her personal life. Do not let her know about yours.

5. Hold out for the storm to pass. No telling what is on the other side - but you need to get out for now.

Hang in there.

[JohnG]

@Skip :  What  a wonderfulnand hopeful reply

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and offer such a wonderful advice.

"If I want to re kindle then end it".

Do you think I have a chance of rekindling here?

Given time "Is there a chance of some sort of future where is in in"?

Again your emphasis on only respectful  communications had me thinking.

Regards
J

[Skip]

Do you think I have a chance of rekindling here?

Anything is possible - both good and bad - but for anything to get better, you will want to get off the path you are on.

[JohnG]

@Skip : Get off The Path?

How? Can you elaborate please. I did not look at her profile for a few days. When I last look she was going berserk leaving comments on so many males profiles with innuendos to activities and small things we used to share.

I feel like walking in a thick fog... .lost like a zombie... Just draggging myself from day to day.

I find it hard to beleive i there will be happiness in the future. I sometimes wish I should have never crossed path with her. But then again I feel like I'll do anything to get back to the honeymoon phase again. I never felt so alive ever like i felt in the honeymoon phase.

Have I acquired some borderline traits from her. It's so unfortunate that I have a son with her. And I miss him... .

Sometimes I feel like sleeping till this storm has passed away...

[Skip]

Sometimes I feel like sleeping till this storm has passed away... .

I think that is probably a good idea. Just politely exit the storm, wait till it blows over, and see where the water settles. Nothing good is going to come from trying to fix this during the storm or engage in these conversations you have been having - let her do what she's going to do - don't be her audience. For some reason, she is toying with you, don't be around for that.

I would get the lawyer to help you sort out the custody matters.

[JohnG]

@Skip : Thanks again

Don't be her Audience means don't engage till she communicates respectfully?

[JohnG]

There is an annual BDSM event happening next month...

I received an email from ex on BDSM site yesterday saying

":)o I have a date for that event?"


Then 30 minutes later...

" You know the right girl is waiting for you"?


She  was emailing from a Sock Puppet fake account but I knee straightaway it was her.

And then

"You Hate Her Don't you"?

And then "Who do you love? True Love"?

At last I gave in and said if she wants to communicate she should use better medium...


Then she said...

"Sorry she should have never started this conversation".

I am pretty bamboozled.
What is her plan and agenda now?

[JohnG]

Another Message now from same Fake profile.


"AT a temple there is a poem carved in stone called Loss...

It only has three words. And they are scratched out.

You can read loss. But feel it... "

Hmmm. charming on roids or is she missing me?

[JohnG]

I meant charming not charming

[JohnG]

H oo ve ring not charming

[JohnG]

And now another one word message saying "Fare Well".

[Fr4nz]

John,

Skip is right, she's toying with you.

As he suggested, don't answer (i.e., stay out of the storm) and seek for legal advice.

[JohnG]

Another message saying "I thought you had a soul John. But I lied to myself".

She said I can meet my son tomorrow in her town at a park... .

I feel intimidated to go... .