3 Months Out- Things Get Better. Slowly.

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Hey everyone... .I'm now 3 months out of my nightmare of a breakup. To make a very long and complicated story short, I started dating a woman I met at work when I was 21 and I've now just turned 23. Our relationship was about 15 months long. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life. Thought surely she was out of my league! One thing leads to another and she pulls me in on our first date and we have unprotected sex. Pure magic, etc. In retrospect I now see, typical BPD beginning. She lied about an abuser from earlier in her life being in jail, his name, and more. She cheated on me with her ex two months into our relationship. She cheated on me with two more known men, none of which she admitted until a month after I broke things off. Everything I knew I was told by others. Much, much worse. She told me she did in fact feel she loved me, but I can't for the life of me possibly fathom doing that to someone I loved, at least the way that I view love. We travelled the world together and did have quite a strong bond. It's my belief that in her own very distorted way, she did love me. Unfortunately, love means different things to different people. Ha.

I am feeling much, much better now. Anyone out there who is in the beginning stages of this breakup, please do not lose hope. I say that having been completely hopeless. Obsessive. Self-destructive. It is the worst pain I've ever felt by a LONG shot. Worse than the death of a loved one, in fact. Truly the most painful event of my life. But you will come around, very slowly. I was sleeping 12-14 hours a day and I've lost a great deal of weight. But something was triggered in me that made me focus on many things I never cared to focus on before the breakup. I became more invested in doing things for and by myself, and that's when the healing sort of took hold. No contact is your absolute best friend. Luckily, I guess, for me, my BPDex moved to LA on a whim after being found out. Surely, she is destined to the same horrible mistakes and she will continue to inflict pain on nice people. I, however, have installed boundaries for myself that I hope will allow me to move on free of these kinds of people. If you are in the deep rut of despair associated with this breakup, please know that you will get better. You must try, and it is remarkably difficult. Possibly the most difficult thing you've ever dealt with, as in my case. But it does get better. I am excited to see where I am 6 months down the line. Love y'all. This site is a blessing.

[seeperplexed]

Hey everyone... .I'm now 3 months out of my nightmare of a breakup. To make a very long and complicated story short, I started dating a woman I met at work when I was 21 and I've now just turned 23. Our relationship was about 15 months long. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life. Thought surely she was out of my league! One thing leads to another and she pulls me in on our first date and we have unprotected sex. Pure magic, etc. In retrospect I now see, typical BPD beginning. She lied about an abuser from earlier in her life being in jail, his name, and more. She cheated on me with her ex two months into our relationship. She cheated on me with two more known men, none of which she admitted until a month after I broke things off. Everything I knew I was told by others. Much, much worse. She told me she did in fact feel she loved me, but I can't for the life of me possibly fathom doing that to someone I loved, at least the way that I view love. We travelled the world together and did have quite a strong bond. It's my belief that in her own very distorted way, she did love me. Unfortunately, love means different things to different people. Ha.

I am feeling much, much better now. Anyone out there who is in the beginning stages of this breakup, please do not lose hope. I say that having been completely hopeless. Obsessive. Self-destructive. It is the worst pain I've ever felt by a LONG shot. Worse than the death of a loved one, in fact. Truly the most painful event of my life. But you will come around, very slowly. I was sleeping 12-14 hours a day and I've lost a great deal of weight. But something was triggered in me that made me focus on many things I never cared to focus on before the breakup. I became more invested in doing things for and by myself, and that's when the healing sort of took hold. No contact is your absolute best friend. Luckily, I guess, for me, my BPDex moved to LA on a whim after being found out. Surely, she is destined to the same horrible mistakes and she will continue to inflict pain on nice people. I, however, have installed boundaries for myself that I hope will allow me to move on free of these kinds of people. If you are in the deep rut of despair associated with this breakup, please know that you will get better. You must try, and it is remarkably difficult. Possibly the most difficult thing you've ever dealt with, as in my case. But it does get better. I am excited to see where I am 6 months down the line. Love y'all. This site is a blessing.

[rfriesen]

Beautiful post, perplexed. Thank you for sharing

She told me she did in fact feel she loved me, but I can't for the life of me possibly fathom doing that to someone I loved, at least the way that I view love. We travelled the world together and did have quite a strong bond. It's my belief that in her own very distorted way, she did love me. Unfortunately, love means different things to different people. Ha.

Yes, it can be a powerful and, at first at least, very disturbing realization to grasp that we can be so intensely bonded to someone whose view of that bond is worlds apart from our own. At least that's how I've felt as I go through this process -- to have felt so close, so connected, and then to realize that we had such divergent understandings of love and respect and care ... .I feel like that lesson just keeps hitting home in different ways, month after month. As you say, it definitely gets better with time. And we can learn a lot about our own views on love through the process.