Hi amylu71

I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through. Many of us can relate to the exhaustion and feelings of being a punching bag. That really hurts, and it's normal to feel shattered and not trusting anymore. I'm glad to hear that you are taking some time to re-center yourself. That will not only help you, but will help your relationship as you both navigate your future together.
You've found a wonderful place for support. Members here have been in similar situations and understand what you are going through. The site also has tons of tools to help. You are both in therapy (or soon to be) and taking responsibility for your own wellbeing—that is a good foundation to build upon. This site is all about supporting you as you process the next steps for you and your partner.
Again, welcome. Keep writing and let us know how we can support you.
heartandwhole