Breaking up?

[amylu71]

My partner has recently been diagnosed with bps. The last year has been quite hell, the last 6 wks worse. To say I had become the enemy is an understatement. The verbal and emotional abuse had ramped up uncontrollably. She has come back down and is again the person I fell in love with. She has taken full responsibility for her hurt and pain thrown at me. Has committed to going into intreatment, with dbt therapy to follow. I have asked her to move out so I can regather myself back to who I am. I have been left exhausted and with the feeling of being her emotional punching bag. If this is going to work I need to see that she is committed to putting in the truly hard work. The problem is my trust is shattered and I am not sure if I will be able to get it back. I am in counseling but would really like to reach out to others who have been through this for support and hopefully a small bit of guidance. I love this person so much, but have never been through such a relationship. And wondering what kind of strength I have to continue.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi amylu71



I'm very sorry to hear what you have been through. Many of us can relate to the exhaustion and feelings of being a punching bag. That really hurts, and it's normal to feel shattered and not trusting anymore. I'm glad to hear that you are taking some time to re-center yourself. That will not only help you, but will help your relationship as you both navigate your future together.

You've found a wonderful place for support. Members here have been in similar situations and understand what you are going through. The site also has tons of tools to help. You are both in therapy (or soon to be) and taking responsibility for your own wellbeing—that is a good foundation to build upon. This site is all about supporting you as you process the next steps for you and your partner.

Again, welcome. Keep writing and let us know how we can support you.

heartandwhole 

[Meili]

I want to join heartandwhole in welcoming you and echo what was said.

Trust is very hard to rebuild once it's broken. It takes time and consistency. The good news is that it can be rebuilt if both parties are open and honest.

[Swhitey]

I can't stress enough, the solidaridy I feel when reading peoples experiences with their partners (or ex partners) that suffer from BPD. I have noticed so many simiarities and patterns of behaviour, it is scary, but also I don't feel so alone anymore which helps me feel safe and valid as well. I have the ability to grow from my experiences and the shared experiences of others as well on this forum.

Well done for reaching out for support!