... and 5 days before christmas I have been kicked out of the house again

[Mecaco]

I am sad and disappointed. 

[Skip]

What happened?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mecaco, I have been in your shoes, friend, and spent many a night at the motel.  Of course you're sad and disappointed.  Fill us in, when you can.  LuckyJim

[Mecaco]

Events from last night –

Things started out ok but there was a tension in the air.  It turns out I am a shi**y husband, I have caused her many problems by sending her to jail (domestic violence), I cant be depended on, I am not with her mentally or emotionally which means I am cheating on her and I travel too much (two overnight trips last week - my job requires under 10% travel) and I am probably just traveling to see my mistress.  My family sucks and cant be depended on and family friends do more for us than my own family.  Further I never made it up to her for having to take the two overnight trips last week.  I don't take her on dates, and what are my plans to make it up to her. 

I stayed mostly silent during the exchange (interestingly, later she told me I did nothing but berate her), but in the end I made a mistake.  I told her I hadn't planned on a date with her because although I love her, getting my neck bit off every other day for the past several weeks, I did not feel like a date with her. 

she told me that was great.  that I was an A$$hole and a shi**y husband and that after I put the kids to bed I needed to pack my bags and just leave.  Take my dogs and just leave.

I put the kids to bed and when I came back downstairs she was asleep, I wrapped some Christmas presents and went to bed.  In the morning she seemed more back to normal and I told her that I do love her and that I do want us to get back to the point where we have dates and the enjoyment we had when we were first dating.

looking back on it, I stayed mindful for the first 90%.  I didn't react emotionally to the barrage.  I stayed calm.  Inside I was still fearful and I spoke to explain when I should not have.

Lessons learned – I should have validated more in the beginning and should not have explained when it came to the discussion of dates.

Today – more discussion about how I am not making progress and I am not making anything up for her for all the things I have done wrong.  Her last text message to me is as follows. 

I'm sorry u think I'm always the one w the problem. No thank u to counseling in which I have earned much distrust instead of trust stating I am bipolar. I agree. I would like some distance from you. And this is ok u disagree - as u stated. In sorry u don't see u always have been getting ur way & not giving back. Which is a lot of my issues w u. Agreed. Same problems. And u haven't changed. U either manipulate me to get ur way or make me feel horrible - by bandwagoning & have others think I'm "crazy". U should return to that support group. I'm sorry u do not see how that hurts the relationship more. I cannot force u to change or "see". But this allows u all the freedom. And u know what? I should get to enjoy life too and not wait on or for u. Dating was years ago - I thought u were a kind gentle man.

I see my friends grow in their marriage and relationships. Dating w/o kids in tow. Appreciation and love from their husbands. As holidays near, I see many taking trips w significant others and recreating the magical moments. I get a lot of empty words & promises from u. I see a tired old man in front of me who is disinterested & as much as effort in purchasing at last moment for a special occasion U don't even remember but ur kids remind U of. As much as u squawk about no dates for ur wife - thank u for that dream come true. I've also seen how many women u woo & ask OUT on dates. Goodbye Casey

As it stands it looks like I am back in a hotel as of tonight.  On a previous text she has asked me to pack up and leave for the next 2-3 weeks.   

Emotionally, I am very sad as last night our 5 year old daughter was distressed with our arguing and as Christmas is at the end of the week.  Last night my daughter came and found me and wanted to sleep with daddy and later my son started screaming for daddy.  I woke up with both babies on top of me.   

I will be ok – no bad habits or anything is in my future – I am just sad!