... change is something that should be constant ..

[Mars22]

But is it for all of us?

After seeing my ex w/BPD traits for now the second time this year since our breakup in March, I can say that she hasn't done the work she needs to get better. My simple hello greeting was meet with "get away, from me , I don't want to talk to you"... she repeated that mantra every time i would say something to her. I went in with the best compassionate intentions, but left once again feeling like ___ and made out to look like the bad guy.

Truth as I see it, At least for me. She does not deserve my compassion anymore . Or my friendship. Because people that love you, or once 'claimed' they loved you would at the very least been nice for that brief moment and somewhat cordial given the 10 months of NC.

You think people can change?  Sadly, unless these people get help - They do not change.

much love,

mars22

[once removed]

hi Mars22,

you may have compassionate intentions but at this point they may be intruding on her boundaries, and therefore your own. as you said, this is not the first time and a different outcome sounds unlikely.

it sucks to reach out and be met with coldness, i know. are you looking for closure?

[Mars22]

Is it closure OB? Or just wanting to reaffirm first hand that the past can be put behind us for good. So, we both can move forward from a better point. Perhaps I'm wanting to be acknowledged as the good person I know am. But, she continues to make me feel otherwise. I am the enemy. I trigger her in the most profound way all she can do is spew negativity towards me. Why do I want that person to see the good in me when, they apparently can't find the good person in themselves?

Now, I've been fine the past months, I got the spark back in my soul. I haven't thought much about her and when i did it was only briefly. I've grown. My decision to walk up was innocent and felt natural... I didn't; even think interns of 'boundaries' , or i forgot. It was purely reactive, like when you see an old friend at a  bar - you say hello? It just, happened.  And all I was met with was the same hostility that was always there to begin with, even while we were dating.
Nothing. Has. Changed.

I really thought I understood it by now. Figured since i was healing and feeling better perhaps she was as well.  

NO amount time will heal her. I see this now. I will stop myself the next time. As, i don't want to be made to feel bad anymore. None of it is worth it... .i must continue my mourning, i saw a ghost ... thats all... justa ghost. Nothing really alive at all... justa  ghost of somebody i use to know...

[once removed]

Perhaps I'm wanting to be acknowledged as the good person I know am. But, she continues to make me feel otherwise. I am the enemy. I trigger her in the most profound way all she can do is spew negativity towards me. Why do I want that person to see the good in me when, they apparently can't find the good person in themselves?

have you thought about the answers to that question?

it sounds like the sting of rejection.

[Mars22]

yes, OB... rejection certainly... but more sadness and disappointment... for the large whole and waste of time and effort I put into this person... and what do have to show for this time?

All r/s from my past I have learned something positive from that person once things have ended... And in fact, incorporated things they taught me into me life. I'm finding it impossible to see any positive can be salvaged from this experience . These negative feelings being directed my way are breeding resentment and hatred. These feelings are not in my nature and it has me ruminated again... .

[once removed]

thats pretty self aware and reflective, Mars22.

i feel you completely. i had an ex that seemingly became my worst enemy over night and went around smearing me. its surreal, and can really throw your feelings out of whack.

and i understand the feeling that all you put into her and the relationship was for naught. maybe she didnt teach you anything, maybe there is nothing to learn from her. that doesnt mean you cant grow from the experience, ultimately. its hard to point to something my ex taught me, specifically, but after the relationship i got to learn a lot more about me, relationships healthy and unhealthy, skills and tools to take into future relationships. i didnt get that from her or the experience directly, but it was part of the journey, and id call it a catalyst.

and then of course, where there is pain, its difficult to find meaning, or to see what you have to show for the experience. it may be that these things are still to come.

have you considered putting your feelings into a creative outlet? those are the sorts of things that remain after the pain has subsided.

[Mars22]

... I write poetry, and have written many poems in this past year. I play guitar, and calluses on my finger tips. I trail run, and am in the best shape of my physical life.

This has been a setback OB. I think mostly though, because I saw her with my potential replacement... .(not sure, but possible) something i never thought i see really... so - there's that new 'material' to think about. Has me questioning her past motives even more now. Couple that with her behavior towards me and — you have a volatile cocktail of confusion.

Difference is, i have some tools now; been through this obsessiveness . So, i need to apply them again. The universe works in strange ways... .