Divorce or try harder?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My husband and I started dating January 2015. It was a long distance relationship that my family did not support at all. Mostly because he has a criminal background.

He was arrested in 2014 for domestic violence, he tells me that his exes family made up the story about him abusing the child, and I tried so hard to convince my family that he was truthful. And I still have no clue if he did it or not. He is GREAT with his kids. Like I cannot ever see him harming them. But he has shown s violent side to me, like he got mad at himself because I caught him texting another girl and slammed his fist into some dishes. Or he has elbowed me a couple times for trying to cuddle him.

Late in 2015 we tried living together and he states that everything "changed" and that's when he started questioning whether he loved me or not and he would become very distant and not speak to me for days. Wouldn't even look at me. So here I am living 2 hours away from my family with a guy that sometimes loves me and sometimes doesn't. I left several times but would always come back because he was call me crying saying he loved me.

The last time I left, I told him he needed help and that he had to help himself. I cut all forms of communication off with him- blocked him on all social medias, his phone number, his moms number. And I moved back to my hometown.

2 months pass by, the only contact I had with him was when he showed up at my dads house with an engagement ring and a list of things he was going to work on. My dad had had enough and told him to get lost. I was on instagram one night and noticed that he had unblocked me, and he had posted a picture of this girl, saying that he had so much fun with her and how beautiful she was, and I liked it... .just being facetious. And then unliked it real quick. Within 3 minutes he deleted the picture, and messaged me.  NOw I don't even remember what was said. But it wasn't much. A week goes by and I'm at my own house when he knocks on my door. I let him in. We sit and he tells me that he had been seeing a therapist, been put on the right meds and was pretty happy being by himself. That made me SO HAPPY I almost cried. Needless to say, we jumped back into things, and Now that I look back on it, way too fast. He proposed the next weekend. We were so happy. A month later we find out we are pregnant. He decides that since I moved to be with him the year earlier that it was his turn. He decided that on his own! Again, made me so happy. We get married, he loves here. That's when things start to deteriorate. He gets a job that he doesn't like and simply doesn't go back to. Without consulting me because "it's his life" and after the third job that he quits after a day or so, I realize he doesn't know what Marriage is about. I try to talk to him but he becomes defiant and saying that I shouldnt have an opinion on the situation. He goes months without a job. He becomes a recluse, he blacks out all the windows, stays in bed all the time. I didn't know how to help him. He didn't have insurance so he couldn't go to his therapist. He was not communicating with me. It was hard.

Then comes the baby. I'm ecstatic. Him, not so much. We go and stay with my grandparents the first week, to get the hang of things. But I develope post partum depression. So we stay a little longer. He tells me he is fine with that.

He got the job he has now right before the baby was born. After the baby was about a month old he was offered a better job elsewhere. Within the same week, he develops a migraine. Which are more and more common with him at the time, we decide it's probably his medication so we go see a doctor and they change it from Effexor to lexapro. He stays out of work a few days to recover from the migraine. Then one morning, I woke him up telling him he needed to go to work, we needed the money, explaining that sometimes as adults we have to do things we don't want to or we have to go to work even though we feel like crap. He gets out of the bed and goes to work. A week and a half go by and on his day off we go to our house(that I had not been in since before the baby was born) and I notice the be had been laid in and the fresh trash in the garbage. I asked him when was the last time he had been there? He said he didn't know. After much convincing to tell me the truth, he said that he never went back to work and was getting up at the butt crack of dawn and going home. And then when it was time to get off, he would come back to my grandparents. And he would lie every. single. day. When he made up things about his coworker that has cancer. Or about something funny his other coworker said. I was devastated. We had another conversation about "manning up and providing for his family" and we went on. The next week he had orientation for his new job. He went. Then went to work the next two days. I didn't question it. Then by the third day, I could tell he wasn't dressing in dress code. I called him out on it. He told me that he didn't go bac after his first day.

Since then he has went back to his old job but refuses to stay with me and our baby. He did not speak to me the whole Christmas weekend, even though I was staying in the hospital with the baby having RSV. We were in there 5 days. One of the days I went to talk to him and gave him an ultimatum, saying that if he truly wanted to work on our marriage that he would be at the hospital after he got off work. He made up the excuse of being tired and didn't show. Since I hadn't heard from him Other than that in over a week, my grandfather(who owns the house we stay in) called and left a message stating that he needed to move his stuff out. Knowing that he would be calling soon, crying saying he loved me and wanted to stay, I blocked him. In the meatiness found out nobody had heard from him either, including his mother, I called his baby mama figuring surely she had. She told me that the last she heard was he was talkin to some girl. So I figured that's where he had been staying. And that just made me even more mad, so I quit worrying about him. Three days later he calls crying and saying he had been living in his car cause it hurt too bad to stay at out house alone. And he had not taken his meds in 2 weeks.  So I let him come back after the stipulations were set. And I would make him take his meds.
Since then, (4 days) not much has changed. He doesn't show affection. Say he loves me.
Now I'm stuck.

[sm0325]

My husband and I started dating January 2015. It was a long distance relationship that my family did not support at all. Mostly because he has a criminal background.

He was arrested in 2014 for domestic violence, he tells me that his exes family made up the story about him abusing the child, and I tried so hard to convince my family that he was truthful. And I still have no clue if he did it or not. He is GREAT with his kids. Like I cannot ever see him harming them. But he has shown s violent side to me, like he got mad at himself because I caught him texting another girl and slammed his fist into some dishes. Or he has elbowed me a couple times for trying to cuddle him.

Late in 2015 we tried living together and he states that everything "changed" and that's when he started questioning whether he loved me or not and he would become very distant and not speak to me for days. Wouldn't even look at me. So here I am living 2 hours away from my family with a guy that sometimes loves me and sometimes doesn't. I left several times but would always come back because he was call me crying saying he loved me.

The last time I left, I told him he needed help and that he had to help himself. I cut all forms of communication off with him- blocked him on all social medias, his phone number, his moms number. And I moved back to my hometown.

2 months pass by, the only contact I had with him was when he showed up at my dads house with an engagement ring and a list of things he was going to work on. My dad had had enough and told him to get lost. I was on instagram one night and noticed that he had unblocked me, and he had posted a picture of this girl, saying that he had so much fun with her and how beautiful she was, and I liked it... .just being facetious. And then unliked it real quick. Within 3 minutes he deleted the picture, and messaged me.  NOw I don't even remember what was said. But it wasn't much. A week goes by and I'm at my own house when he knocks on my door. I let him in. We sit and he tells me that he had been seeing a therapist, been put on the right meds and was pretty happy being by himself. That made me SO HAPPY I almost cried. Needless to say, we jumped back into things, and Now that I look back on it, way too fast. He proposed the next weekend. We were so happy. A month later we find out we are pregnant. He decides that since I moved to be with him the year earlier that it was his turn. He decided that on his own! Again, made me so happy. We get married, he loves here. That's when things start to deteriorate. He gets a job that he doesn't like and simply doesn't go back to. Without consulting me because "it's his life" and after the third job that he quits after a day or so, I realize he doesn't know what Marriage is about. I try to talk to him but he becomes defiant and saying that I shouldnt have an opinion on the situation. He goes months without a job. He becomes a recluse, he blacks out all the windows, stays in bed all the time. I didn't know how to help him. He didn't have insurance so he couldn't go to his therapist. He was not communicating with me. It was hard.

Then comes the baby. I'm ecstatic. Him, not so much. We go and stay with my grandparents the first week, to get the hang of things. But I develope post partum depression. So we stay a little longer. He tells me he is fine with that.

He got the job he has now right before the baby was born. After the baby was about a month old he was offered a better job elsewhere. Within the same week, he develops a migraine. Which are more and more common with him at the time, we decide it's probably his medication so we go see a doctor and they change it from Effexor to lexapro. He stays out of work a few days to recover from the migraine. Then one morning, I woke him up telling him he needed to go to work, we needed the money, explaining that sometimes as adults we have to do things we don't want to or we have to go to work even though we feel like crap. He gets out of the bed and goes to work. A week and a half go by and on his day off we go to our house(that I had not been in since before the baby was born) and I notice the be had been laid in and the fresh trash in the garbage. I asked him when was the last time he had been there? He said he didn't know. After much convincing to tell me the truth, he said that he never went back to work and was getting up at the butt crack of dawn and going home. And then when it was time to get off, he would come back to my grandparents. And he would lie every. single. day. When he made up things about his coworker that has cancer. Or about something funny his other coworker said. I was devastated. We had another conversation about "manning up and providing for his family" and we went on. The next week he had orientation for his new job. He went. Then went to work the next two days. I didn't question it. Then by the third day, I could tell he wasn't dressing in dress code. I called him out on it. He told me that he didn't go bac after his first day.

Since then he has went back to his old job but refuses to stay with me and our baby. He did not speak to me the whole Christmas weekend, even though I was staying in the hospital with the baby having RSV. We were in there 5 days. One of the days I went to talk to him and gave him an ultimatum, saying that if he truly wanted to work on our marriage that he would be at the hospital after he got off work. He made up the excuse of being tired and didn't show. Since I hadn't heard from him Other than that in over a week, my grandfather(who owns the house we stay in) called and left a message stating that he needed to move his stuff out. Knowing that he would be calling soon, crying saying he loved me and wanted to stay, I blocked him. In the meatiness found out nobody had heard from him either, including his mother, I called his baby mama figuring surely she had. She told me that the last she heard was he was talkin to some girl. So I figured that's where he had been staying. And that just made me even more mad, so I quit worrying about him. Three days later he calls crying and saying he had been living in his car cause it hurt too bad to stay at out house alone. And he had not taken his meds in 2 weeks.  So I let him come back after the stipulations were set. And I would make him take his meds.
Since then, (4 days) not much has changed. He doesn't show affection. Say he loves me.
Now I'm stuck.

[formflier]

 
   



You are dealing with a lot at the moment.  I am so glad that you have found us, because I believe that we can help you sort through all of the confusion in your life and your relationship (r/s).

We can't make decisions for you, but we can help educate you on healthy decisions for you and your family.  We can help you understand the patterns in your relationship.

Please come back and post and ask questions... .answer questions that we ask.  Soon we can have you on a better track.

Few questions.

Are you are your hubby currently in T? (therapy)  Did you ever have a conversation with your husband's therapist that he had when he came to you and told you all the things the T was doing and changes he was making?


Looking forward to your responses...

FF