Need advice- I don't want to lose my marriage

[Depression = 72% of members]

My BPD Wife is carrying on an emotional and physical affair with a woman she works with. My wife also has auditory hallucinations (possible schizo features). We have been together ten years and married for four. I know that people with BPD lie a lot, which she does, but she has maintained that she did not want to walk out on me and leave me unable to provide for the family. She has also insisted that we not get divorced (again, another feature of BPD), and she has maintained that she wants to always keep in contact with our children should she leave.
Currently, she has stated, she is not in "relationship mode", doesn't like the idea of what "marriage" comes with. She has also made every possible scenario up to show that I make her unhappy, never acknowledging our accomplishments as a couple or all the good times. This has been going on for four months- from the suspicion to the finding out, to the all out "I am not giving her up". While I have set some boundaries, she has not kept to not texting her in front of me, she stopped calling me throughout the day, calls this woman obsessively, even from work.
I don't know how much more I can take physically and emotionally. If I talk about the situation, she calls me a nag, tells me I don't give her room to breath.
When we have moments together, she cries about not feeling beautiful, about how our life together has been (in a good way), what we could possibly have, not wanting to stop hearing the voices or getting treatment because, how she puts it, "who will she talk to".
I fiercely love this woman. I don't want to give up, but I don't know how I can go on living like this. I know she will run from person to person. Everyone HAS abandoned her. I don't want to be another person to do this to her. Every therapist tells me to focus on me, but I can't watch the woman I built a life with destroy herself. It is tearing me apart.
Someone please give me advice on how to effectively win back her trust and get to a place where I can give her help. A place where maybe she will get rid of the temporary band-aid that she has found in this other woman. Please share with me any success stories?

[hopelesslyinbpd]

My BPD Wife is carrying on an emotional and physical affair with a woman she works with. My wife also has auditory hallucinations (possible schizo features). We have been together ten years and married for four. I know that people with BPD lie a lot, which she does, but she has maintained that she did not want to walk out on me and leave me unable to provide for the family. She has also insisted that we not get divorced (again, another feature of BPD), and she has maintained that she wants to always keep in contact with our children should she leave.
Currently, she has stated, she is not in "relationship mode", doesn't like the idea of what "marriage" comes with. She has also made every possible scenario up to show that I make her unhappy, never acknowledging our accomplishments as a couple or all the good times. This has been going on for four months- from the suspicion to the finding out, to the all out "I am not giving her up". While I have set some boundaries, she has not kept to not texting her in front of me, she stopped calling me throughout the day, calls this woman obsessively, even from work.
I don't know how much more I can take physically and emotionally. If I talk about the situation, she calls me a nag, tells me I don't give her room to breath.
When we have moments together, she cries about not feeling beautiful, about how our life together has been (in a good way), what we could possibly have, not wanting to stop hearing the voices or getting treatment because, how she puts it, "who will she talk to".
I fiercely love this woman. I don't want to give up, but I don't know how I can go on living like this. I know she will run from person to person. Everyone HAS abandoned her. I don't want to be another person to do this to her. Every therapist tells me to focus on me, but I can't watch the woman I built a life with destroy herself. It is tearing me apart.
Someone please give me advice on how to effectively win back her trust and get to a place where I can give her help. A place where maybe she will get rid of the temporary band-aid that she has found in this other woman. Please share with me any success stories?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ynwa]

Hello Hopeless,

You are definitely going through it.  As we we all need to perhaps, you need to step back and figure out things for yourself and just breathe.  It won't change today, and you say you are committed.  so, today be there for yourself.