Holidays and the urge to reach out.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yesterday was so difficult not to contact her.  As I was receiving text messages from family and friends,  I was hoping to get a message from her. I learned that I'm not yet detached despite having every reason to do so.

I stopped myself by writing down logical reasons to stay away.  I stopped by a dollar store to pick up a pen and notebook.

Here are the reasons I have to stay away;

1. Towards the end of our relationship, and a subsequent recycle, she admitted to seeing other people.

2. I believe she is polyamorous. Constant new partners who fill different holes in her life.
3. Was devalued, painted black, and accepted a recycle.  I believe that I became an objective for her when I rejected her. She got Me again.  I slept with her thinking we could be fwb. I couldn't.  I thought I would use her for the sex,  but I now know that is impossible. She just kept on throwing out that she hat met new peopl while we were broken up.

Starting a new relationship after our break up was unquestionable for me, she had no problems moving on to the next.

In the end I feel like a narc, or alcohol staying away from the next hit or drink. 

I don't need this.  I've reviewed much love from family and friends over the holidays that I don't need toxic momentary bliss that she could provide.

In the end I have to find a way to love her differently. I'm no longer with her. She is self-aware but continues to live the only way she knows.

It's completely incomparable to what I expect in a loving relationship. 
I've realized I need more from lif then what she can offer untreated.

[Rayban]

Yesterday was so difficult not to contact her.  As I was receiving text messages from family and friends,  I was hoping to get a message from her. I learned that I'm not yet detached despite having every reason to do so.

I stopped myself by writing down logical reasons to stay away.  I stopped by a dollar store to pick up a pen and notebook.

Here are the reasons I have to stay away;

1. Towards the end of our relationship, and a subsequent recycle, she admitted to seeing other people.

2. I believe she is polyamorous. Constant new partners who fill different holes in her life.
3. Was devalued, painted black, and accepted a recycle.  I believe that I became an objective for her when I rejected her. She got Me again.  I slept with her thinking we could be fwb. I couldn't.  I thought I would use her for the sex,  but I now know that is impossible. She just kept on throwing out that she hat met new peopl while we were broken up.

Starting a new relationship after our break up was unquestionable for me, she had no problems moving on to the next.

In the end I feel like a narc, or alcohol staying away from the next hit or drink. 

I don't need this.  I've reviewed much love from family and friends over the holidays that I don't need toxic momentary bliss that she could provide.

In the end I have to find a way to love her differently. I'm no longer with her. She is self-aware but continues to live the only way she knows.

It's completely incomparable to what I expect in a loving relationship. 
I've realized I need more from lif then what she can offer untreated.

[rfriesen]

Yesterday was so difficult not to contact her.  As I was receiving text messages from family and friends,  I was hoping to get a message from her. I learned that I'm not yet detached despite having every reason to do so.

The holidays can be especially difficult. You're not yet detached, but you know the reasons you want to detach and you dealt with the situation in a way that's healthiest for you. That sounds like a huge step right there.

She is self-aware but continues to live the only way she knows.

I reached the same point with my ex. And whatever hurt I felt from her past actions, if my focus is on the future, then that simple reality trumps everything else: she understands the behaviour that leads her to crises, but she doesn't want to change. Very hard to accept, but what other way forward do we have?

It's completely incomparable to what I expect in a loving relationship. 
I've realized I need more from lif then what she can offer untreated.

Sounds like you're making good headway on the path to acceptance. Not easy at all. Give yourself credit for taking a few more steps forward.
I hope the rest of the holidays treat you well.

[bus boy]

I also felt like a drug addict looking for that next hit. I would get sick when xw wouldn't talk to me, my brain would be going crazy until she contacted me than like a drug addict getting a hit I instantly felt better, felt high, relief. I no longer go through this. I use to hand on to my phone waiting for her text or call. I haven't totally detached, I have my rough days but I feel best I have in years. Slowly I am realizing weather xw has a disorder or not, if she is happy and makes it work in her r/s, does not matter or matters less and less, all I know and keep telling my self is she treated me like a dog and I no longer let her treat me like that. I still have questions and post on here looking for some kind of answers but she is no longer my drug.

[antelope]

I'm very much over the BPDex, yet for the 1st time in 4 years, I decided to send a 'Merry Xmas, Hope All is Well' text on Christmas day... .

no response, so I assume I am either a blocked number, or who knows... .it's crazy, but her lack of a response bothers me... .a lot

after 4 years, a "You too" or a smiley face would've seemed like enough of an answer... .

oh well