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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: My GAL is calling all parties to his office to try and settle out of Court.  (Read 363 times)
Mika1739

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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: January 14, 2017, 03:54:32 PM »



Anybody have experience with this?  I have learned that a GAL really doesn't get too involved, it seems like he just wants my case off his plate.

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livednlearned
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
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« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2017, 11:08:37 AM »

Sounds very sketchy to me!

I know that parenting coordinators were given an extension of judicial duties in some states (usually through an order from the judge, per state laws) and that in some states, this was rolled back because people with no training in trying cases suddenly had a boatload of authority to determine difficult custody cases. And many of these PCs were lawyers or psychologists with Phds. It was a way to get high-conflict cases out of family law court, which you would think is what family law court is supposed to be for 

It seems completely bizarre that a GAL, who in some states doesn't need advanced training and is often a volunteer, could try to settle a high-conflict custody case.

I would be wary! What does your lawyer say?

If it was someone who was not going to testify in your case, I wouldn't be as concerned. If this is someone who has the potential to sway your case, then perhaps have your lawyer attend, or get advice about the best way to not participate.
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Breathe.
ForeverDad
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2017, 12:19:28 PM »

My GAL - our son's lawyer - had a meeting, presumably joint, with lawyers at court when court was to hear my petition for custody, I had already gotten the green light in Change of Circumstances months earlier.  Then she came to me and my lawyer separately discussing the case.  She was rather frank, having no quibble about me getting custody.  However she wanted to keep the equal time so Ex could get child support.  She 'hoped' me getting custody was enough to reduce the conflict.

We settled with the main judge according to the GAL's wishes because my lawyer said that if either of us diagreed, then court would most likely go with GAL's wishes anyway.

Me having custody with equal time didn't work.  Nothing changed except the paper saying I had custody.  I went back to court for majority time the next year.  We had the same GAL again and this second time she agreed but wanted Ex to get TWO evenings during each week.  Fortunately the decision was for just one after school to 8 pm per week but my majority time was just for the school year, magistrate gave Ex "one more try" so summer break stayed equal.

As for your case, yes, a lot depends on your GAL's qualification and experience for this task.  You can cite the aspects of any proposal that are unacceptable and why.  (This is mostly for the GAL, your Ex won't agree of course and Ex's lawyer is not working for you either.)  While you don't have to give in to unreasonable demands by your Ex, you should express your perspective with reasons and cautions, so the GAL knows you are being reasonable but are concerned about Ex's parenting perceptions and behaviors.  Maybe no agreement can be reached without the GAL declaring his/her own parameters/recommendations if it goes to a court hearing or trial.  (One benefit of a hearing is that your lawyer can question Ex on the stand and have you testify - put on the record - why you have concerns based on past incidents and obstructions that give basis to concerns about the needed contents in future order(s).)
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