Wife w/BPD

[Confused81]

My wife and I started our relationship 11 years ago. The first few years were heaven for us. We had ups and downs like any other couple, but then I noticed she had started hiding liquor in the house and hiding drug use. She quit drinking and only smokes pot to help her anxiety. Then 3 years ago we split up because I cheated on her. After 6 months she moved home and things seemed great. In April we got married and in September she was terminated from her job if the last 4 years after she asked for FMLA.  There has been so much chaos that it is now affecting my health and career... I have holes in the walls, doors ripped off the hinges etc... .our friends have taken a step back from us and my family is no longer allowed in our home because it interferes with her time. I get accused of plotting against her and for the past week I have been told that I need to "feel" a certain way about topics or discussions. Things are getting out of hand and I'm looking for tools and resources to figure out what decisions I need to make for myself and our marriage. I just got in touch with a therapist for myself and she has been in therapy since September  but I'm starting to feel lost and run down. I love her with every fiber I'm me but I'm starting to feel like I'm losing love for myself. Does anyone know of any workbooks, books or activities that may help guide me in this journey and?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Confused81:  

Does anyone know of any workbooks, books or activities that may help guide me in this journey?

The suggestions below are for a combination of understanding of your partner and for self-care for yourself.  Hope you find something below helpful.

There is a "Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook".  That might be a good place to start.  You might want to get the "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book as well, but I think the workbook can stand alone.  I have the Kindle version of the workbook.


BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:
A general book that you might find helpful for yourself is:
"The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris
Printouts for exercises related to the book can be found at this website:
https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/

Below are some BPD books that might be helpful:
"Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life",  by Margalis Fjelstad

"Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder", by  Valerie Porr