I don't even know where to begin...

My DIL is BPD. It is like an emotional rollercoaster. :)IL has recently accused my son of infidelity. He told me one day that he is fed up (they have a son) with being accused of this. He told me that she was has started using cocaine and that he suspected her of infidelity. He found were she was communicating on-line with several guys. They have since been deleted. On the day my son had a conversation that he wanted out of the relationship he ended up spending the night at my house. She was texting him about where are you etc. He said that he was at my house. She didn't believe him of course. Behind my back, she refers to me as the "your f... .mother. I told my son that that phrase was probably in his text and he said yes Mom. The next morning when he would home she pulled a knife and was threatening to stab him. He texted me at that time to let me know but then said don't call the police he had it under control; she had finally put the knife down. She became paranoid in the next couple of days and wanted to make sure that he hadn't told me about the knife situation. My son told his wife that he did not. So that I have kept under my hat.

She is constantly texting on her phone. She makes up excuses to either go meet up with someone she is seeing or is gone a short time which I suspect she is meeting up for her drugs. She constantly drinks wine and even says out loud to her 3 year old when she gets home from work that she is so tired and all she wants to do is sit down and have some wine and relax. Recently he got irritated with his mother and told her "why don't you just go drink your wine". Wow! This situation is started to really affect my grandchild. My son had told me at the time that he didn't want to go to marriage counseling but was very cautious about getting out because he did not want to lose his son. I told him to not leave the house under any circumstances because that might hurt the overall situation.

She yells and emasculates my son in front of his Dad and myself. This is very uncomfortable. I have bite my tongue on pretty much every situation except for one time. I was babysitting my grandson for the evening. Earlier before they left, she said I could give him some french fries. After returning home, my husband and I start to leave when my DIL came to the door and motioned my son to hurry into the house. Of course, I bolted to the door. The baby was throwing up. She didn't know that I was behind my son when she blurted out "What in the f... .did she f... .feed him". I didn't say a word while I was in that room. I cleaned the and disinfected the mattress. I changed the sheets. The baby said thank you grandma. She went on about how sweet that was. I still never said a word and walked out of the house. My feelings were crushed. I would never do anything to intentionally harm the one thing that I love most in the world. She never apologized. At the time, my son and DIL bought a new house and since there funds were tied up until closing, my son asked if I could buy the appliances and they would reimburse me. On the morning of the outing to buy the houses, I confronted my DIL in front of my son. I told her that I didn't care if she liked me or hated me. I said if you have something to say to me that I would appreciate if she would pull me aside and say it to me and not behind my back or to my grandson. I also told her to never use my name outside myself. She said she was sorry. I said lets move on. This is the only time I have taken up for myself. She is so aggressive that I let things slide and walk away with hurt feelings (me) than to try to justify myself or explain something when she flies off the handle for no reason at all or a situation that she has misconstrued. She does what I call "drive-bys" one of her many manipulations that she does to me. She will say my grandchild needs new shoes, or guess what is on sale. Or send me adds on my cellphone when Carter's has a sale. Always using the words "Grandma, grandson is obsessed with this toy or that toy, or this or that."

My husband and I bought his swing set for him. It was not cheap. She posted that swing set thanking a friend who help put it together not who bought it. We are never in any pictures that she posts on Facebook, only her Mom and family. We do far more for her than her family does. Even if you think that is petty of me, it still hurts.

When she got married to my son, I gave her the diamond that I was wearing, so the ring my husbands grandmother, his mother's, mine and now was going to be my DIL's ring. My DIL used her mothers wedding band from when she was married to DIL father. Whenever my DIL gets a compliment on the ring she says that was her mothers ring. After hearing that for the 100th time, I started correcting her. When she got married to my son, I was told that she did not want any children at the wedding so a lot of my family who live out-of-town couldn't come. But she told me for the rehearsal dinner that she needed to have all of these people. She has a huge family. Then told me that if I couldn't afford it that her father would help pay for it. I don't think that she ever talked to her father she just wanted to make sure she got the dinner she wanted. I think it was another form of manipulation. The rehearsal dinner was like $3,000. The ring I gave her that has been in our family for 90 years was worth $5,000 and then my husband went out and bought me a new ring. She was married once before. She is 7 years older than my son. She then told me that I was suppose to pay for the flowers for her wedding, which I didn't. I thought I had paid enough. Everything I shelled out for this wedding was so much more than the $2,000 reception that her family paid for.

When we were over there for Christmas this year you could cut the tension with a knife. My son cooked the turkey and I made the sides. It didn't even feel like Christmas. She put my grandson down to bed and fell asleep, my son took out the turkey to rest. I put my sides in the oven to warm, my son fell asleep on the sofa. My husband, daughter and I eventually fixed our plates after 11:00 p.m. My son woke up, I fixed him a plate and packed up the kitchen and we left. I got a text the next day that she wanted a do-over. Really? Who would want a do-over? It was too painful the first time. It didn't even feel like Christmas. I always cook the turkey except for this year. She complains about me to my daughter. One year her oven wasn't working and everything took so long to cook. When I asked about her oven she got the defensive. She started instant messaging my son from the living to the dining room. When my son wanted to show me an article on his phone a message popped up on his phone and I saw it. I packed up my stuff and I told my husband it was time to go. This year she brought up that year when the turkey came out late to my daughter. Saying it served me right to see the things that she wrote because I shouldn't have gone snooping on my son's phone. The thing is I didn't snoop. It popped up on his phone.

When they got there first house, (I am a trained chef), I catered there housewarming party including preparing all the food and buying it. I heard from my daughter that the DIL was complaining to my son (her parents got there early) that I should have already been at there house setting up. I wasn't late and the party hadn't started. When I asked my son to help with something my daughter overheard DIL say that my son wasn't the hired help that they were the hosts and that he didn't need to be in the kitchen. THE FACT IS IS THAT I WASN'T HIRED! It was a gift.

I could go on and on. I don't know why I don't stick up for myself. She is so rude and my feelings get hurt. When a rude or hurtful comment comes out of her mouth it takes me by surprise. I never not want to be put in a situation that I she keeps my grandson from me. You will be talking and the next minute she cuts you off by walking in the other room or saying she is going outside to smoke a cigarette. Sometimes when she asks a question and you are answering her question she will either leave, walkout or move on to another conversation. This relationship is so toxic.

Well, that is the start of my story. Thanks for listening.

KDT



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