Having flashbacks and then a moment of wow she got what she deserved

[WoundedOne]

Good morning! At least thats how my morning is feeling now

I have been doing well  up until that last 2 days or so. I have been NC , and I'm happy to say 24 days today!  And I feel so much more like myself. Less stress and just taking care of me.
But... .
I have been having serious flashbacks of all the crazy hurtful cheating stuff my exBPD gf has done to me. It feels like I have minor PTSD. But these flashbacks bring back my horrible feelings of anger, disgust, rage at her for doing this to me. I'm so pissed off her yet I know it is her disease.

Now heres the kicker that I feel happy about, but I know I shouldn't. One of our last fun times together was taking her 3yrs old to a county fair. On the way, in the car, she opens this piece of mail and then she flips out. I ask her whats going on. And it was always something with her and her finances usually, so i didn't think anything of it. So she went silent and all of a sudden she says in a real mean toned voice " Don't you care what I just read?" I said " Whats going on ?" She  said I just got my lab result back from the Gyno and it says I have Herpes 1&2 . I said well you knew you always had cold sores. She said yes but didn't know I had type 2 ! I was in shock at first didn't know how to react.

Now as I look back, Im not surprised she cheated on me left and right with men and women. Luckily I had stopped being intimate with her long before this. She is also an alcoholic so who the hell knows what she has done , probably even more than I know! She would binge drink and i just got tired of trying to police her and started to pull away from her. So in that last binge she must have contracted that from one of her pickups. She would always use the sex to get alcohol and this time it bit her in the ass.

I can't help this morning but feel happy she got a "Just"  punishment (herpes 2)  for her bad behavior that literally wrecked and ruined me. I feel that at least some retribution was pronounced on her. I have been rotating in and out of anger. I am however , not proud of saying this , I am usually a kind hearted, warm generous, do anything for you kinda girl who loves with all her heart. Totally out of character for me.

And as a side note , hell yes I went to Gyno and got tested just to be safe and Im happy to say I am STD free!

Anyone else have feelings of delight that your ex BPD is getting what they deserve?

[AsGoodAsItGets]

My ex, got all her bills paid for, help with rehab, help with a new job, little gifts, flowers, money to go with friends.  As her life improved it became a little each day after doing all that she was never going to love me, and yes she did cheat on me with about 12 people through our relationship.  I never wanted anything bad to happen to her, I just was hoping when she relapsed or her life got turned upside down she would understand I was a loving guy, and appreciate me Peter in.  Kinda though it was our destiny to be together.  Less then a year after our split,  kept thinking I saw her out 8n public randomly.  So I decided to contact her.  Turns out she passed away from an od.  I felt so heart broken.  Honestly I wish I could have felt like you, because she did get what she deserved.  She lied hurt and cheated everyone in her life.  The world is honestly better off with out her.  So I evnvy you.  I so much wish my feelings could match up with reality of who she really was, not what I want her to be.  And even as I write this I truly miss her.  But good for you.  We suppose to feel like you do.  It protects us.  If could have felt just a little of what you did I would be so much better off.

[kentavr3]

I also have flashbacks to the moments with exBPDfw. she cheated on me the same as she did with her first husband. We all have PTSD. But... .I have clear understanding , that I'm heavily codependent person.  These flashbacks are "emotional heroin" break - up. We all "caretakers" who easily involved with BPD/NPD partners. Cheating on us, they devaluate our efforts. Unfortunately, I have to say that our "caretaking" role makes more destructive for us. NPD/NPD have no understanding of everything that was done for them. First of all we have to work on the problem of caretaking, efforts to please people and ask for the love. This problem is our problem of the low self esteem. Try to work on your selfesteem and understanding how good person you are.

[Confused108]

Good morning! At least thats how my morning is feeling now

I have been doing well  up until that last 2 days or so. I have been NC , and I'm happy to say 24 days today!  And I feel so much more like myself. Less stress and just taking care of me.
But... .
I have been having serious flashbacks of all the crazy hurtful cheating stuff my exBPD gf has done to me. It feels like I have minor PTSD. But these flashbacks bring back my horrible feelings of anger, disgust, rage at her for doing this to me. I'm so pissed off her yet I know it is her disease.

Now heres the kicker that I feel happy about, but I know I shouldn't. One of our last fun times together was taking her 3yrs old to a county fair. On the way, in the car, she opens this piece of mail and then she flips out. I ask her whats going on. And it was always something with her and her finances usually, so i didn't think anything of it. So she went silent and all of a sudden she says in a real mean toned voice " Don't you care what I just read?" I said " Whats going on ?" She  said I just got my lab result back from the Gyno and it says I have Herpes 1&2 . I said well you knew you always had cold sores. She said yes but didn't know I had type 2 ! I was in shock at first didn't know how to react.

Now as I look back, Im not surprised she cheated on me left and right with men and women. Luckily I had stopped being intimate with her long before this. She is also an alcoholic so who the hell knows what she has done , probably even more than I know! She would binge drink and i just got tired of trying to police her and started to pull away from her. So in that last binge she must have contracted that from one of her pickups. She would always use the sex to get alcohol and this time it bit her in the ass.

I can't help this morning but feel happy she got a "Just"  punishment (herpes 2)  for her bad behavior that literally wrecked and ruined me. I feel that at least some retribution was pronounced on her. I have been rotating in and out of anger. I am however , not proud of saying this , I am usually a kind hearted, warm generous, do anything for you kinda girl who loves with all her heart. Totally out of character for me.

And as a side note , hell yes I went to Gyno and got tested just to be safe and Im happy to say I am STD free!

Anyone else have feelings of delight that your ex BPD is getting what they deserve?

I hope to hear one day that my ex gets what she so deserves . But this story made me smile! You go Girl! Karma! What goes around comes around!