Feeling Hopeless

[Broken1969]

Hi - my name is Alex and my sister has BPD. She was diagnosed as Bipolar for most of her life but over the past few years she's shown extreme traits of BPD which seem to be getting worse every day.

We're in the common situation where my sister has no clue that she has BPD and trying to open her eyes to it will only cause her to deny it and things will just get worse.

Our family unit has shrunk over the years to now include just my mom, my sis and I. We're at the point where my sister's illness is affecting our daily lives in such a horrible way that my mother and I are at our wit's end!

I've spoken to my sister's doctor and it seems there's not much we can do... .as long as my sis doesn't recognize having BPD she can't really be treated for it.

My mom and I are trying to educate ourselves as much as possible so we can learn to draw boundaries and not to be so hurt when my sister lashes out at us.

I'll stop there for now... .I'll contribute more in individual posts. I'm glad I found this website and look forward to getting to know you all better.

Thanks,
Alex

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome:  
I'm sorry about your situation with your sister.  As a BPD Family member, you will find a lot of listening ears and people eager to share and help each other.  This is a safe place to share.

You can't change your sister, but you can learn to interact with your sister and manage your reactions in such a way to defuse situations and make life better for you.

Boundaries can be important for you and your mom.  It's up to you and your mom to enforce your personal boundaries.   Using Validation can make a difference, as well as various communication skills.  Check out the links below (click on the green words or green addresses).  There are, also, links to the right of this post, that lead to additional helpful information.

VALIDATION

COMMUNICATIONS OVERIVEW

SETTING  BOUNDARIES

The link below, leads to a list of workshops, in the Learning Center.  Some topic might jump out at your to serve an immediate need.  It can be helpful, to discover some of your learning options.  Once you see a topic in the directory list, you can then go to the 2nd link below and find the lesson in the Workshop Thread.

DIRECTORY - SKILLS TRAINING WORKSHOP
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=296645.0

SKILLS TRAINING WORKSHOP
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

I look forward to seeing you on the board.  I hope your journey here leads to a good 2017 for you and your mother.  
 

[Janneke]

Hi Alex,
 Welcome! I also have a sibling w/BPD.
 Does your sis accept that she has bipolar disorder? Just curious if there's complete denial of any mental illness at all, or just the BPD. I get that BPD could be a hard diagnosis to accept. (I can't imagine welcoming a suggestion that something might be disordered in my own personality, for instance).

 One of my boundaries for someone lashing out is "I don't let people treat me badly. If you'd like to talk to me without [name calling, swearing, etc] I'm happy to listen, but otherwise I'm leaving." Or "I'm not going to talk to you if you keep saying the f word."

 "I statements" are also helpful - "I feel hurt when you _________ "

 J