So devestated that he didn't contact on New Year's Eve

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm struggling again.  I can't believe that he didn't contact me.  I'm so hurt.  I'm so incredibly hurt.  Confused and twisted and disappointed.  I miss him so much still.  I thought I was doing better but now I'm really,  really not.

[Pipedreamer25]

I'm struggling again.  I can't believe that he didn't contact me.  I'm so hurt.  I'm so incredibly hurt.  Confused and twisted and disappointed.  I miss him so much still.  I thought I was doing better but now I'm really,  really not.

[Pipedreamer25]

Wait I am an idiot.  He wished me a happy new year after all.  Still feels so empty why remembering this night last year.

[patientandclear]

I'm sure we can all understand the sense of loss. He seems to be honoring your boundaries for the time being, which is good. Respectful. You may be so habituated to him trying to push past your limits and defy your requests that it feels like something is missing when he is behaving objectively better.

This is just super hard. Boundaries come at a cost, and with risk. It's important to bear in mind that lack of boundaries does also. You aren't paying that particular price just now so it's easy to forget the downside if you had not taken the stance you have.

The future is not yet written. You're behaving with integrity toward yourself and him. The rest is really on him. He's been honest about his current lack of capacity to show up in a way that is not super damaging to you. Whether that changes depends on steps he takes or does not take.

Happy New Year Pipedreamer. It's likely that things will be easier and make more sense this time next year. You're just right in the middle of an important period of passage.

[Pipedreamer25]

Thank you patientandclear.  Happy new year to you too I hope it is a peaceful one.  I'm trying to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing but I seem to have taken a tumble recently.  It's his birthday over the new year too and it's just hard.  It hurts thinking about it.  I think I was relying on the fact that he had always come back before now it actually seems over for real and it's very raw.   Thank you as always for your patience and guidance. 

[lovenature]

Hi Pipedreamer

When we are used to our ex.'s continually trying to contact us and maintain an attachment and then they don't it is raw and painful. Going from a flicker of hope to no hope at all is a huge leap, very tough but total NC is the way out of the FOG and allows us to detach and heal.
Focus on caring for YOU.