npd/BPD throw your past back in your face

[bus boy]

Why do npd/BPD twist our past back on us in painful ways? That's what mine did, maybe it's not a npd/BPD trait. In a r/s you share intimate parts or painful parts of your past with your partner. Mine never shared anything, ever. Nothing about her family or child hood. If I shared things about my childhood xw would cut me off and start getting very sarcastic, saying " oh, you came from such a perfect family" and would go on in such a horrible tone about my family. She shared nothing about boyfriends, nothing what so ever. She told me her grandfather was a child molester but that was very common knowledge in our rural community. She kept every part of her past and life away from me, I asked her to share but she said that I would be the last person she would ever share with. I had no problem sharing, being open and intimate. Xw took these qualities of mine and turned them into pain for me and took every chance to say something hurtful or bring my past up in a hurtful way.

[Curiously1]

Not so much about the details but because it hurts you and she knows it. It's anything so that your pwBPD feels better about herself.

There's this really good channel I found where a recovering BPD mother talks about what makes her say hurtful stuff to loved ones and twists things etc. I found her insightful. Look through her videos if you like: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwqlEmE9L1Gv2cl7xz0A3Bg/videos

[bus boy]

Thank you, I will. Of everything I read about BPD/NPD, it seems they play the roll of everyone in my past hurt me but you are so shiny new and good". All I got was how horrible a person I was and how everyone treats so well. Xw is not diagnosed but s parental assessment named me codependent and Xw as suggesting very strongly she has a personality disorder. I am very soft hearted maybe Xw honed in on this and exploited me at every angle. She really took every chance to say every mean horrible thing she could about me and my family. The more she knew it hurt the more she seemed to do it.

[Curiously1]

 They are always looking for Mr/Miss perfect and have unrealistic expectations- especially if they are not in therapy and gaining more self awareness about their behaviours/who they are. You don't need to listen to her call you names or your family horrible things. I know it's hard to not to take it to heart. pwBPD know how to get to you. Enjoying hurting people sounds more of a narcissistic trait. But yes, there are pwBPD who have lots of narcissistic traits too no doubt.

[Hisaccount]

My expwBPD did the exact same things. They get inside you so deep. They drag your most secret things out of you. Then when the time is right, bam. They use them against you.
Shame on me for trusting someone that much.

In the bible it says that God forgives and he forgets. It is the Devil the reminds us of our past. Being married to someone with BPD is like being married to the devil.
You will always feel like a worthless failure shrouded in shame and guilt.

[bus boy]

Curiously1, I can relate to Xw being much more NPD than BPD. Xw expectations were humanly impossible to carry out. Xw had a rediclous list or rules in our house, " I wasn't allowed to defend my family, wasn't allowed to talk about my family, wasn't allowed to say nice things about my family" she also had a list of rules I had to follow before we were to have children. It wasn't a nice happy marriage where a couple excitingly plan a family. She's had my replacement year 1/2 and I am just starting to see clearly how bizarre my r/s was to her, I mean really feel it in my gut that this was very crazy.

[bus boy]

Hi Hisaccount. I clearly relate to what you are saying. My father is a highland scotch Catholic and he is totally convinced Xw has the devil in her and somethings bad awaits her. I sometimes feel when I look in her eyes that a cobra has more feelings for the rat it is eating than what I see in her eyes. That off into nowhere stare.

[kentavr3]

They all do this. They ask you for your past. ExBPDw did the same to me. First, they project their bad feelings on your. Second... .Have you ever seen your reaction on what she said to you? Your face expression? My face expression is very painful. I think, they read it and enjoy a pain on your face.