Just Starting Divorce. Questions

[Ddad3]

Dave- I have a recording app on my phone. I tested it, seems pretty good quality. Ready to use  if needed. I am not in a 2-party consent state. I know it could still mean nothing to the court. But at least I have it.

Foreverdad- Sage advice on walking that fine line. I am sure I will end up talking to kids multiple times, as a group and individually. I am very close with all of them. I like the idea of a written outline, a script for her and I to follow  Luckily, W is actually better last night and today. She fumed bad for 2 days. I know today's mood won't last.  But if she is not dysregulated, we could potentially talk together. Then, she would feel she "won". I will still talk to kids myself later anyways.

LnL- My own T said don't even try to talk to kids together if W is acting like Hulk-Smash (my words, not T).  Think I will call a Child Psychologist this week. Can't hurt

Takingandending- I can relate to your dilemma. My uBPDw first brought up Nesting idea. However, the only place she offered where she could stay is at my parents house! What?

[ForeverDad]

As you wrote, talking to the kids once is not nearly enough.  They will surely have a variety of questions and worries at different times.  Another thought, they may not even have the words or know how to express their worries.  Feel their feelings out and help them identify what they want to know or what assurances they want.

The #1 concern for you is that you always reassure them they are not at fault in this.  They will naturally assume, possibly unspoken, that they could have done something to avoid this and of course it's not about them, it's an adult issue and about the adults.  Let them hear they are loved, they don't have to take sides and they should not be interrogated or turned into unwilling informers.