Difficulty dealing with Bipolar+BPD spouse

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm not really sure what to expect on this board, or how to start. I've read Stop Walking on Eggshells and it was cathartic. After many years of thinking I could somehow fix things if I just did everything right, it helped to know that I wasn't the crazy one. My wife is bipolar, and very high conflict. She hasn't been officially diagnosed BPD (that I know of), but the more I read, the more it seems to fit. We are separating and will be getting a divorce. Her behaviors have an adverse effect on the children. I'm here to listen and to learn. 

[Gocats123]

I'm not really sure what to expect on this board, or how to start. I've read Stop Walking on Eggshells and it was cathartic. After many years of thinking I could somehow fix things if I just did everything right, it helped to know that I wasn't the crazy one. My wife is bipolar, and very high conflict. She hasn't been officially diagnosed BPD (that I know of), but the more I read, the more it seems to fit. We are separating and will be getting a divorce. Her behaviors have an adverse effect on the children. I'm here to listen and to learn. 

[Mutt]

Hi Gocats123,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm glad that you have found us, there is hope. Anywhere's is a good start, many of us arrive here with a lot on our chest and with nobody to talk to, or anyone that really gets it. You're not alone.

When are you seperating? How old are the kids? Have you talked to an L?

[livednlearned]

Hi Gocats123,

Just wanted to join Mutt in welcoming you 

There are lessons at the top of the board, too, that might help.

Share anything you feel ready to share, or ask any questions you may have about going through a high conflict divorce.

There's lots of collective wisdom here, and members who can help you think through some of the common steps and stages.

Does your wife know the divorce is coming?

LnL

[ForeverDad]

I can't say whether this applies to your case but in the past many times people with BPD (pwBPD) would be diagnosed as bipolar rather than Borderline PD.  Why?  Because health insurance often wouldn't pay for Borderline therapy, it was viewed as too long term and too iffy.  Also, BPD patients would overreact and even stop therapy if told they had BPD.  It's the Denial, Blaming and Blame Shifting that would kick in.

A difference between Bipolar and BPD is that Bipolar can be treated with meds whereas while BPD may be moderated somewhat by meds its not a fix, BPD really requires long term meaningful therapy.