Inviting Child to IEP Meeting w/o Discussing

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

In typical fashion school has notified us about the desire to have an IEP meeting this Wednesday.  The request came out last Friday. Again, typically, I have heard nothing from ex in response to the e-mail from school.  So I contact school and, yes, she did respond and has expressed a desire to invite our S12 to the meeting.

This is the way things have gone with school communications.  Ex is routinely communicating and making decisions about S12 without involving me.  S12 was suspended two weeks ago, and then had a bad day his first day back, last Tuesday.  He pushed a girl.  Ex tried to find issues with the event claiming school didn't follow proper protocol.  I sat there - he pushed a girl.

After this I was copied, by school, on an e-mail response to ex from the Asst. Principal.  It was regarding the suspension ex desperately wanted to allow S12 to make an apology to the little girl.  We had already determined that the little girl was uncomfortable with the apology, but ex continued.  That was irritating. 

However, I get the e-mail and I "reply to all," reply to ex and copy the asst. principal.  My first line was to copy me on these e-mails, my second line was to stoop with the apology idea.  Short, simple.  I rarely if ever involve school in these communications but I did this time.     

This was ex's response:

Was your including of Ms. Asst. Principal in this correspondence intentional? Do you think it's in the best interest of anyone to publicly correct me? Is that in S12's best interest to show that you and I are at odds? I will remind you of why I do not include you: i feel as though I am not able to comment freely without repercussions and judgements either in private or like this publicly. You are free to disagree but it's not constructive to try to embarrass me.

She didn't follow protocol and S12 never got to tell his side. And you heard her say that the incident was not witnessed by a teacher. The description of the student as "meek and mild" also leads me to believe that it's possible she over reacted. I think S12 was wrong but I don't think the incident should have risen  to the level of suspension.

It's important that the school be fair to S12.


Projection.  Note, and as has been the case with each incident, there is something other than S12's behavior that she makes the primary focus.

I'm leary of having S12 in the meeting.  I'm leary of grand-standing, leary of coaching him beforehand, leary of mom trying to look like the MOTY, etc.

I am also slipping away from S12.  More and more he is mimicking ex's boyfriend.  Dressing like him, taking up his hobbies, and all the while "appearing" as if he would rather be anywhere than at my house during custodial time.  I am beginning to wonder if he is recoverable. 

[scraps66]

In typical fashion school has notified us about the desire to have an IEP meeting this Wednesday.  The request came out last Friday. Again, typically, I have heard nothing from ex in response to the e-mail from school.  So I contact school and, yes, she did respond and has expressed a desire to invite our S12 to the meeting.

This is the way things have gone with school communications.  Ex is routinely communicating and making decisions about S12 without involving me.  S12 was suspended two weeks ago, and then had a bad day his first day back, last Tuesday.  He pushed a girl.  Ex tried to find issues with the event claiming school didn't follow proper protocol.  I sat there - he pushed a girl.

After this I was copied, by school, on an e-mail response to ex from the Asst. Principal.  It was regarding the suspension ex desperately wanted to allow S12 to make an apology to the little girl.  We had already determined that the little girl was uncomfortable with the apology, but ex continued.  That was irritating. 

However, I get the e-mail and I "reply to all," reply to ex and copy the asst. principal.  My first line was to copy me on these e-mails, my second line was to stoop with the apology idea.  Short, simple.  I rarely if ever involve school in these communications but I did this time.     

This was ex's response:

Was your including of Ms. Asst. Principal in this correspondence intentional? Do you think it's in the best interest of anyone to publicly correct me? Is that in S12's best interest to show that you and I are at odds? I will remind you of why I do not include you: i feel as though I am not able to comment freely without repercussions and judgements either in private or like this publicly. You are free to disagree but it's not constructive to try to embarrass me.

She didn't follow protocol and S12 never got to tell his side. And you heard her say that the incident was not witnessed by a teacher. The description of the student as "meek and mild" also leads me to believe that it's possible she over reacted. I think S12 was wrong but I don't think the incident should have risen  to the level of suspension.

It's important that the school be fair to S12.


Projection.  Note, and as has been the case with each incident, there is something other than S12's behavior that she makes the primary focus.

I'm leary of having S12 in the meeting.  I'm leary of grand-standing, leary of coaching him beforehand, leary of mom trying to look like the MOTY, etc.

I am also slipping away from S12.  More and more he is mimicking ex's boyfriend.  Dressing like him, taking up his hobbies, and all the while "appearing" as if he would rather be anywhere than at my house during custodial time.  I am beginning to wonder if he is recoverable.