Don't know where to begin

[Tigercin]

Hi,

I'm not sure where to begin.  This is new to us.  My daughter is 16 years old and has just been recently diagnosed with borderline personality traits and disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (which I can barely find any information on).  She has quite a history from the time she was born prematurely at 27 weeks with grades III/IV brain bleeds.  We were told at the time she would probably never read, write, walk or talk.  She is now an honors student (junior) and swims on her high school team, a club team and swims on and volunteers for our local Special Olympics team (which my husband and I also coach).  She has several learning disabilities and has also been diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disorder and High Anxiety Disorder.  Almost two years ago she suffered a concussion and after that also developed an eating disorder. She also has epilepsy, but has been seizure free for almost 5 years and seizure med free for three years.

A year ago she started suffering pseudo-seizures and started seeing a cognitive behavior therapist.  Then, when we first learned of her eating issues, we found a therapist who specializes in eating disorders among other issues.  Her behavior has gradually become impulsive, full of anger and rage, and at times violent.  She has only been violent with me and my husband.  In December, she tried to kill herself during one of her rages.  We took her to the ER and we ended up having her committed to a behavioral health hospital for 5 days.  That is when she was diagnosed with the first two disorders I mentioned.  She is now on medication and sees both therapists for CBT and DBT, family therapy and for her eating disorder.  She is doing much better, but it is still a battle at times.

Sometimes, it feels like I'm on a rollercoaster.  She tends to "attack" me most - mostly verbally.  I know I shouldn't take it so personally, but I feel as if she hates me.  She used to be a very happy, kind and caring kid and the past year (ever since the concussion), we have watched her change a lot.  I really don't know what to do anymore and feel lost and alone.

I just finished reading the book "Stop Walking on Egg Shells" and found it very helpful and decided to try this site.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[DreamGirl]

Hi Tigercin,

You've certainly been through a lot with her, literally from birth.  

It absolutely seems like you are on the right path though, and you are definitely in the right place to find your own support in this... .because that is so, so important.

We definitely have some communication tools along with ways to work through our own ways we may be making things worse and not even know it (i.e. invalidation, negative reinforcement) Have you had a chance to skim through any of our reading material on the side bar ---------> ? It's a lot of information, but I might take a look at the tools like ":)on't React, Respond with SET". It helps when they dysregulate and you're able to respond effectively to diffuse the situation.

How is family therapy going? Do you see an individual therapist? Is your spouse supportive? Any siblings? Hope you don't mind all the questions.  

Parenting a child with mental health issues is tough sometimes and our hearts are always in the right place. It just takes some skills is all.

 

~DG

[Tigercin]

Thank you. I will check it all out. Everything is still a bit overwhelming.

The therapy does seem to be helping. Part of our problem is it is difficult to find pediatric psychiatrists where we live along with therapists. We love the two psychologists we are seeing, but the psychiatrist we just saw for the first time wasnt so great. We really liked the one she saw in the hospital but he only sees the hospital patients and doesnt see outpatients.

My husband is very supportive. And my family is very supportive. Unfortunately, his family is not. He wont even tell his parents because they are so judgmental and he doesnt feel that they would get it. He has a daughter from a previous marriage but she has been estranged from me and our daughter for two years and basically only contacts my husband when she needs something. That has been hard on my daughter as well... .she feels as if her sister abandoned her.

School has been supportive for the most part. We are working on lightening her load this semester and her caseworker is helping with that. Her teachers and swim coaches showed a lot of concern and support while she was in the hospital and currently.

Her swimming is what seems to be keeping her calm and focused.

We are trying to cope and take it one day at a time.