Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 19, 2024, 10:18:55 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Triangulation during divorce
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Triangulation during divorce (Read 346 times)
NewStart
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 948
Triangulation during divorce
«
on:
January 19, 2017, 06:15:43 AM »
Ok, maybe I'm missing something, but I am trying to go LC with uBPD/NPDstbexw and she keeps triangulating/smearing to my neighbors. The piece I'm wondering about is that she keeps inviting her main supporter over to our house, so I show up after work and BANG, neighbor lady and my wife drinking wine and generally creating an uncomfortable environment.
Does this lady not see she's being used to try to make me feel uncomfortable, to try to upset me? If I tried to have a friend over, one they'd say probably not a good idea, but if I did, my wife would flip and so would the neighbor lady.
I don't know, maybe it is ok to bring the focal point of the smear campaign into our home during our divorce, or maybe as I see it, it's another passive aggressive move to create pain, to get a reaction.
BTW, I just roll with it, say hi and turn on the TV or read in the living room... .
Want this divorce done and it's just getting started... .so hard to have NC/LC... .
NS
Logged
Mutt
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: Triangulation during divorce
«
Reply #1 on:
January 19, 2017, 09:01:52 PM »
Hi NewStart,
I can see how that would be uncomfortable, have you thought about just going out for an errand, go to the gym, go for a drive or a walk, go see family or friends when the neighbor is over?
Logged
"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
NewStart
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 948
Re: Triangulation during divorce
«
Reply #2 on:
January 20, 2017, 10:33:48 PM »
Hey Mutt,
She did it again tonight, I went to see my boy play basketball came home and they are camped in the living room. I was polite, tried to say hi and it was obviously uncomfortable for everyone... .except my wife.
So here I sit in the basement and yeah I could go to the gym, grab a coffee etc... .one I have a bad cold and should be curled up on my couch and two this gal will be drinking here until all hours and may even stay over because shes to drunk to drive. So unless I go for the night... .and they are loud!
So just me or is this passive aggressive triangulation when someone is going through divorce with a BPD/NPD? To me it's feels like just another one of her control moves.
NS
Logged
Mutt
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: Triangulation during divorce
«
Reply #3 on:
January 20, 2017, 11:24:31 PM »
I understand, you can't get out. I don't think that it's bad triangulation. I think that when a pwBPD are flooded with emotions, are hyper viligant, always scanning for rejection, feel shame, self loath etc... .well that's a lot going on inside. I can see how a pwBPD would be self absorbed and impaired with putting themselves in someone else's shoes, she's not telegraphing that's she's empathizing with you. I can see how that would really sting. That being said.
Are you talking or avoiding each other after you get off work? Is it possible that she wants company? What do you think?
Logged
"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
NewStart
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 948
Re: Triangulation during divorce
«
Reply #4 on:
January 21, 2017, 07:50:26 AM »
Mutt;
You might be right, maybe she just wants company and it's a tough time so maybe I'm just being sensetive. I'm probably hyper sensitive to passive aggressive behavior after 3 years of it I probably have started to see it where it's not.
I'm sure she's probably feeling rejection and all kinds of other emotions as well so having the narcisistic food source like the gal she had over last night and the other night probably are serving as tools to keep her having to reflect to deeply.
Oh well, guess I just want it over sooner than later so I can get my boys and my life back. Hell, I haven't been able to have anyone over for three years unless we're in the garage, now I'll be able to have friends over again!
NS
Logged
Mutt
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: Triangulation during divorce
«
Reply #5 on:
January 21, 2017, 08:21:53 AM »
You have a good point with hyper vigilance, i'd like to add that there may be PTSD too? I agree play the long game
Logged
"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Triangulation during divorce
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...