Daughter is not responding to anything now

[Kat816]

Hi there,

So my daughter will not help herself.  She stays most of the time in bed.  She quit school said she was going to look for work.  Started that for a few days and now hasn't bothered.  She also went back to DBT this week.  She went in p.j.s and was really upset and didn't want to go.  She did go but of course gave me all the nasty stuff before she went in.  I really don't think she is gong to apply any of the skills she learns or do the homework assignments.

She comes to me when she says she bored, or I want friends.  Things I have heard over and over.  I try to apply the skills of BPD but it just goes over her head. She calls herself a piece of poop, or stupid, she researches topics on suicide what is painful what is not.  

No matter how I try to communicate, what I hear is she has given up, not going to try and that is it.
I don't know what to do now.  I plan to see my doctor next week.  There are a few hospitals here that have inpatient programs and also use DBT.  Not sure how long they would keep her?  I imagine it would be based on their diagnosis. My husband thinks I should give it more time? I want to talk with my doctor to see if this is an option. My daughter is 16 and hope that we can omit her without her consent?

I really think she needs to be away from us, to focus on the therapy at the hospital.  She needs a lot of therapy to pull her out of her state of mind, hating herself, life is not worth living.

Has anyone been through all the stages and reaches a point where hope is lost and only a few last resorts before you reach the end.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi kat816

It's just so frustrating when our BPD kids get stuck. My BPDs spent years merely existing and doing the bare minimum. BPD combined with those huge hormonal changes in the teenager years make it complicated.

My BPDs can't help his behaviour. He doesn't do it on purpose. He used to set himself unrealistic goals then immediately be overwhelmed with them and then fail. Thus reinforcing his feelings of failure. It's a vicious cycle.

It's such a scary place to be and I'm truly sorry that you're having to deal with this. We just want our kids to be happy and healthy. It tore me apart to see my BPDs in so much pain.

I know you've taken time off work to try and get things in place for your daughter. Youve said your husband says give your daughter more time.

With respect, There are no quick fixes.

What sort of treatment options are you considering?

Just a suggestion, why not post and ask for advice or guidance from others specific to this. There are some in dbt therapy, some with failed dbt therapy, some in residential therapy. There's many here that can help or advice.

I encourage you to learn about BPD. If you haven't done so already, please see the tool bars to the top right of this page.

After this I read "I don't have to make everything all better@ by Gary & joy Lundberg. Also, very good "stop walking on eggshells" by Paul t mason and Randi Kreger

Do you have any other children?

What sort of support do you have, other than your husband?

L

[wendydarling]

Hi Kat

Just seen your latest post Kat. With the very deepest respect to your husband, if you feel your daughter is approaching crisis go with your gut feeling see your Dr as you plan, is this the DBT medical team you will see?

Sounds like you're in the US, where therapeutic schools are available to young people for period of time, many here have experience of how to gain access to. I'm in the UK.

We're here for you.

WDx

[Kat816]

Hi Wendy,

I am in Canada actually.  The Ministry has a DBT program for youths. She can only access it free of charge till she is 18.  I am not too impressed with her 1st counselor, he is the one that said I should not have others involved. I think his theory is that they will talk but not do anything to help themselves.  Problem is she is getting worse and goes through motions but has really shut herself off from trying to help herself.

I was thinking more  talk therapy to help her see things better.  If she can connect to the right therapist that deals with youth and her self esteem and other issues.  Then when she starts to acknowledge that there and the reasons why she feels this way she can really put the best forward with the DBT program  I even like the CBT for her as well.

I have been through the Ministry and only so many places you can go and this is it.  Other than getting my doctor to fill forms out to get her as an inpatient/ program.  What I have read it sounds great.  They are structured each day, they see psychiatrist and spend the time evaluating them.  They focus on diet, exercise and daily help with their issues and have CBT, DBT and other course depending on what they decide she needs.

 I think she needs to be away without distractions of these other bad influences she continues to talk to as she has no else, no good friends to hang out with.  She has an old boyfriend that is a super great guy who is trying so hard to get her to do things with him and get out as friends.

Thanks again

Kat

[wendydarling]

Hi Kat in Canada

I can imagine advice is one treatment at a time unless it's coordinated eg at a school. My DD was told they'd start her on DBT and after that then consider Schema or Mentalisation, ie one at a time. I also understand your rationale for talking therapy to be able to acknowledge reasons why she feels the way she does in order to help herself through DBT.  I'm sorry your daughter is getting worse and hope the medics respond to you escalating your concern, provide you reassurance, explain their strategy.

Have you considered visiting one of the inpatient programs, you may find it helpful to see first hand and speak with someone.

You're doing great Kat, it's such a journey and you are working hard, are you getting the time to spend
on your self care?

WDx