Pushing me away

[loyalwife]

     For two weeks, our relationship seemed to be growing closer. He was attentive, kind and I felt as I did when we first met. I thought he had started taking Prozac and he said he was until I found out yesterday that he hadn't. He stopped taking it and lied, as he thought I'd be upset. I didn't get mad, although I was disappointed that he felt as though he couldn't tell me the truth. I was more upset that he didn't tell the truth, than not taking the drug. After all it is his life. He said that he had asked God to tell him what he should do, and that after that he felt relief, and the stress was lifted. This was wonderful to hear, as I know that prayers are answered, for him and as a result for me. For some reason today, he looked at my phone and saw that I had looked on the web for advice about lying. I shrugged it off, telling him that it gave me some clarity and that it wasn't a big deal. I walked into his office later to see (on a huge big screen) an email from a pyschic he had used in the past, and the message was clear. It read that she wanted to make sure I wasn't around as she had upsetting things to tell him. He had kept this from me, and rather than God, had turned to a pyschic for direction. This threw him into a bad mood, and all day he has said that he doesn't want anything to do with me. Although he's been mad at me in the past, he's never been as cold as he is now. I didn't even make a big deal out of it, although I have to admit it did upset me. I just do not understand how he can be so close one day, and 24 hours later, want nothing to do with me. He is so hot and cold. Is this just part of BPD?

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[loyalwife]

My husband has not been diagnosed although we have been going to couple therapy for about three months. I'm not convinced that the therapist actually has tapped into it. I've brought it up to be told that I focus too much on his depression etc. i will try the omega 3 idea as I have heard it can help. my H doesn't think he has a mental health issue. Although today, he was raging and making threats, enough that I went to the Domestic Abuse Hotline. He says that he isn't interested anymore and I know that this is just another way for him to 'punish' me. In a few days it will be different as it always is. My biggest fear is that we will just stop talking as he is easily triggered. It's so tough when you love someone and yet love should never hurt. Whether it is physical or emotional.
  I've heard of the book too and will definitely pick it up. I'm sure that he is suffering as much as I am when he goes in and out of his moods. Just wish there was an easy answer. Today, he told me that he was going to get worse and worse and that eventually he would be mean all the time. He also told me that I have never known the type of mean he will be. He threatened to start in on my son who is autistic. Although he's 24, he's about as mature as a 16 year old. Although he invited my son to live in the house with us, and invited my dogs to live here, he now wants them gone. My dogs are 8 and 10 years old and can't imagine giving them up to a shelter at their ages. He can be very selfish and self centered, and he acts like a 10 year old. So imagine. i have a 16 year old son, a 10 year old husband and two elderly dogs. I'm not always strong enough to hold it together, and this forum has really helped. Thank you for the reply

[loyalwife]

 We have been married for three years. He is suffering and I feel sorry for him, but I also need to make sure that I take care of myself. The therapist has told me that I needed to be the parent in the relationship and that is the only way that he can get through this. So, I've been very firm, to the point and when he tries to go back to the same old, same old I stop him. He's back in the honeymoon phase, but I know it won't last.  I was also told that this was a 'double bind'. I've been reading up on it, and have found that people that are abused as kids get mixed signals and messages. It affects them all of their lives. I will continue to come back here, as it has helped tremendously. "When my spouse acts like a child".  It's good to know that there is support out there. Thank you.

[Healthy88]

Loyalwife,

Glad to know your situation has improved for now and that this board & therapy has been helpful. There are so many wonderful resources on this board. Good luck along your journey.

H88