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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: charm maneuver before and after new Devalue/Discard  (Read 537 times)
Laurielynn
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« on: January 26, 2017, 11:09:16 PM »

Well the day came twice now in two weeks. The first time I received 4 emails from ex BPD bf address, I started  shaking. I deleted and went on to work.

A week later after I had calmed down I unearthed the deleted ones out of curiously, read and opened all 4. ( shaking btw). But couldn't imagine why she was sending 4? Well there pics of his latest gf , with her children, them together smiling, one of her posing almost nude,  on vacation in Antilles. The letters and pics were " supposed to have been from her"

As soon as I started reading, I knew the things said were from my ex, not her over discovering a Happy NY message.The supposedly gf said she found old emails, complimenting me., ( yeah right)( what new supply is going to be nice to an bf's ex?) ... nobody I knew! Anyway she went on to say they were getting serious, but I was welcome to text in anytime. Huh? Who says that? Again it was him impersonating her. Then drew a little heart with her name at the end like we were pals! Yuck!

So weird! All the diction, was like his, no periods ending sentences, just like the ex writes text was a dead giveaway... Next... I don't respond... week later comes another one: saying he knows his gf wrote me, and to let me know, they were breaking up soon as back to states, for some stupid reason... .and he wanted to get together... ( yeah right dude) Then another message same day, saying he was free and clear... to give him a call! He wanted to see men asap! ... no reply from me...
this was out of the blu... I feel so much for the little children in the pic. ( her kids) They were all under 8 pictured hanging on him laughing. That's the way he works. Now 4 mos ago this was his PERFECT ( his words) girlfriend. Now she's discarded...
That very day he's on POF! Disgusting ... yuck!  So typical to predict these callous behaviours... .I'm staying NC! Want no part of that! I know he hurt this woman... It makes me mad abt his
Cruelty, knowing and seeing those little children were attached to him... he's a  Monstor! Just repulsive... a phony
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GlennT
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 934



« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2017, 02:56:02 AM »

Be the better person and do NC. Now you recognize the immature psychopathology of BPD and it's cycles. Yep... the ex was you. I hope the kids are good. He's on the road to disaster. You did well. This will be the start of finding yourself again. He is on POF working on a new guest list for the gates of hell. You are free... . 
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Always remember what they do:Idealize. Devalue. Discard.
Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.~ Churchill
Weary1402

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 30


« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2017, 07:57:14 AM »

So proud of you Laurielynn staying NC! That's hard when you see injustice being done. His impersonation and what his new ex gf is going through.
It rang a bell with me. My ex impersonated someone else using an app that gives you a temporary new phone number, because I had her blocked. The person told me there was a special place in hell for people like me that emotionally abuse someone to the point they try to kill themselves. Said my ex was hooked up to machines fighting for her life. Obviously a big hook for me. I made some calls to find out a mutual friend had just spoken to my ex at her place of business. She was working,not fighting for her life. I'm still recovering from that one. Twisted. Mean. My "emotional abuse" is trying to get away from her.
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