Wife of 15 years. 4 kids. Was t to do everything I can to repair

[Morman]

I just found this group. I wanted to say hello quick and start being apart of this group. My wife and I started out as best friends. I never really knew how to deal with her anxiety/ emotion and looking back I know I could have done better. I am really codependent on her. I have always gone out of my way to make sure she was happy and comfortable. About a year ago I started really tryna ng to make my viewpoints be heard, that's when everything exploded in my face. I started out with books about abuse and looking at how she was abusing me. I slowly migrated into the marriage red pill Reddit group and reading books like no more mister nice guy as I really started focusing on myself. I was eventually lead to bed and read through stop walking on eggshells. I am just starting the workbook.

I have 4 children with her and want to do everything I can to avoid divorce or separation.

Look forward to this group going forward.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Morman,

Nice to meet you and glad to have you with us as well despite the tough issues that brought you here!



Sounds like you are off to a good start in making sense out of what can be very confusing and at times counter-intuitive in relating to our partners. I know that must be hard when you were doing all you could to make her happy and comfortable and perhaps putting your own needs aside. Then once you started to speak up you got backlash. She perhaps felt threatened by your attempts to alter the power dynamic that she had had the upper hand on?

It sounds like working on your own issues with codependency could be helpful in going forward from a stronger/healthier place. I know there are many members who can provide insights on this topic! Under the lessons there are sections on Self Awareness and Working on Ourselves you might want to check out: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.30;sort=subject

What do you think is the most pressing issue you are facing currently?

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome Morman,

 You've found a great place for support. How long have you and your wife been together?

Many people find this site from the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. What is something in the book that has really struck home with you?

[virtualfriday]

Hello Morman,
 Your story sure sounds familiar to me, Deeply devoted and in love with your spouse, willing and have done almost anything possible to make her happy or her life better. At some point you find yourself asking for something from her and she seems unwilling to help or hurt that you have even asked. You become hurt yourself as you know if the roles were reversed you would quickly fulfill her request 10X over with a huge smile on your face and a warm spot in your heart thinking how you made her day.

I also spent some time reading about the red pill on the rational male. My aha moment was when I read "true desire is never negotiated" My heart sunk thinking about all the times I tried extra hard to make her happy thinking she would have desire to reciprocate... .thats just not how life always work. I even posted on this board as I tried to implement some ideas with my wife, I called it got game? I have mixed feelings about the strategy and all of my eggs are now in our therapy basket.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=315638.0;topicseen

I am fairly new here too, my only advise is to improve communication. Imagio Dialogue is helping us greatly now but it took 15 therapy sessions to get her to open up and try.