Should I fight the verbaige of the agreement for vacation

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello all -

Two questions.

Q1.
D8 is going to have a week of spring break with me. I let her uBPD mom know with less time (but reasonable time) than our agreement requires, for a short vacation within 6 hours in an adjacent state. It got vetoed tonight via email. I am certain that she's given me same amount of notice and D8 went. Reservations are refundable. Is it worth trying to get an exception to the order? How should I respond in email?

I don't want to do play a power game when it comes to her turn to ask, but may be forced.

Q2. I have received an email with false allegations a few weeks ago, which I refuted calmly in detail in the reply. Is it worth talking to an attorney now rather than when the next allegation comes?

Thanks F4T

[forestfortrees]

Hello all -

Two questions.

Q1.
D8 is going to have a week of spring break with me. I let her uBPD mom know with less time (but reasonable time) than our agreement requires, for a short vacation within 6 hours in an adjacent state. It got vetoed tonight via email. I am certain that she's given me same amount of notice and D8 went. Reservations are refundable. Is it worth trying to get an exception to the order? How should I respond in email?

I don't want to do play a power game when it comes to her turn to ask, but may be forced.

Q2. I have received an email with false allegations a few weeks ago, which I refuted calmly in detail in the reply. Is it worth talking to an attorney now rather than when the next allegation comes?

Thanks F4T

[soundofmusicgirl]

The rule with a BPD is: never, never ever ask for exceptions Because they will shamelessly use it against you and then ask for exceptions all the time.

I would keep it as documentation next time you go to court to show that BPD is unwilling to cooperate.

Ask for no exceptions and give no exceptions. Clear boundaries.

[forestfortrees]

soundofmusicgirl - thanks for the insight. I figured that's the way to go. 

[ForeverDad]

How is it that we give exceptions but never get any?  Most of us are Nice Guys or Nice Gals and we pride ourselves on being fair.  But our ex-spouses don't reciprocate our fairness and also guilt us claiming we're horrible to the kids if their demands aren't met.  So we have to be very careful not to be manipulated or pressured to be self-sabotaging 'toot' fair.

Expect that when you do end up going back to court is likely to split hairs in favor of the order as worded.  However, you can ask for it to be changed prospectively, going forward.  My Ex took our kindergarten child on a spring break vacation (the week after spring break) with just a vague statement a month before, no details other than a verbal "spring break" comment.  No written notice as the Final Decree order required.  I filed Contempt of Court.  My lawyer said it was a clear slam dunk.  However, the magistrate ruled she was: "technically" unable to comply.  Unable?  Hey, there was no effort to comply!  The court's reasoning was that the ended temp order not complied with was no longer in effect and the new order (which reduced the advance notice required from Feb 15 to 30 days) had not been effect for the full 30 days notice period.  To say the court bent over backwards to avoid consequences for her is an understatement.

So as many fathers here have experienced, parenting is an uphill struggle.  Not every time, but often cases start this way:
- Why shouldn't mothers get deferential treatment?
- Why should     fathers   get  equitable   treatment?

Oh, and expect that when you're back in court she will make many emotional claims - not facts - of how horrible you are.