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[AchingWife]

Hello! I have just come to the realization that my husband is likely BPD. We have been married for 3 years and together for 6 years. I spent the first 5 1/2 years giving up most of myself to help make him happy. And recently I have tried to regain some dignity, self-worth, and control back into my life. This has led to much worsening behaviors from my husband toward myself and his children (my steps). I am struggling with the decision to separate from my husband. There are multiple factors but the biggest 2 are my guilt over leaving my steps to deal with their father’s behavior alone and my feelings of obligation toward helping him. I own my home so separation would mean telling him to move out. I just feel like as much as I want his peace and happiness, I can no longer pay for that with my own mental health. Currently reading “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and it has been so enlightening!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi AchingWife and

Family dynamics when both BPD and kids are involved are so difficult (my husband's kids' mom has many BPD traits). It makes sense you're really weighing your options and working on educating yourself and trying to make wise choices.

It sounds like the two of you don't have any shared kids? How old are his, and how are they coping with your H's behaviors?

What behaviors of his worsened? And have you heard of the concept of an "extinction burst"? I'm curious if you think that might be what's going on with his escalations after you made different, healthier choices for yourself.

These are not easy decisions so we're glad you're talking through things here. Looking forward to hearing more from you;

kells76