my partner doesn't want to look for help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

after a stormy tree years relation with my partner I found out BPD just by chance. At the beginning I couldn't believe that she matched almost the 9 typical synthomps. I naively talked to her about how similar her behavoir was to the BPD description. She got furious and stopped talking to me for some days. She said to me that she was not crazy, that I was some kind of monster for telling her those things. We have broken-up many times, and we come together again. I am devastated after some many years of sudden changes of mood, breaking-up by absurd situations. I went for help to a psycologist after a big crisis we had. She told me that there is nothing to do if she doesn`t admit she has a problem. She adviced me to leave her and take care of myself. She blocked my phone number, skype, whatsapp to avoid any contact with me.

I spoke to my partner the day after and told her that I went to a psycologist. She got furious again, like never before. She was blaming me for talking about all the intim stuff she told me in confidence with that person. She doesn't want to be with me anymore because of that. She said I have a mental problem and that I should visit the psycologist instead of being with her. I told her, wrongly, that she had to choose between looking for help with a professional or leaving me.

The worst thing is that I do really love her. It is such a deep pain inside me because of what is happening. I visited the psycologist the day after her birthday, we had a terrible time in that celebration because she didn't like the restaurant I choose, neither the present I bought to her. After giving her the present she stopped talking to me the rest of the night. Days after we came together again. I told her, wrongly I think, that she had to choose between looking for help with a professional or breaking-up definetely. She is hurting a lot, without intention, but hurting me.

She convinced me that she was not crazy, that because she is from another country with a different culture I don't understand certain behaviours she shows to me.
Four days ago, she left me again because I had to go for a business trip and She didn't want to be alone for so many days. She block me again to avoid any contact with her.

I don't know what to do, this leaving and coming back together is killing me. I don't know what to do. This situation is affecting me deep inside me. I am beginning to be worried about me, my mental health.

[paco]

after a stormy tree years relation with my partner I found out BPD just by chance. At the beginning I couldn't believe that she matched almost the 9 typical synthomps. I naively talked to her about how similar her behavoir was to the BPD description. She got furious and stopped talking to me for some days. She said to me that she was not crazy, that I was some kind of monster for telling her those things. We have broken-up many times, and we come together again. I am devastated after some many years of sudden changes of mood, breaking-up by absurd situations. I went for help to a psycologist after a big crisis we had. She told me that there is nothing to do if she doesn`t admit she has a problem. She adviced me to leave her and take care of myself. She blocked my phone number, skype, whatsapp to avoid any contact with me.

I spoke to my partner the day after and told her that I went to a psycologist. She got furious again, like never before. She was blaming me for talking about all the intim stuff she told me in confidence with that person. She doesn't want to be with me anymore because of that. She said I have a mental problem and that I should visit the psycologist instead of being with her. I told her, wrongly, that she had to choose between looking for help with a professional or leaving me.

The worst thing is that I do really love her. It is such a deep pain inside me because of what is happening. I visited the psycologist the day after her birthday, we had a terrible time in that celebration because she didn't like the restaurant I choose, neither the present I bought to her. After giving her the present she stopped talking to me the rest of the night. Days after we came together again. I told her, wrongly I think, that she had to choose between looking for help with a professional or breaking-up definetely. She is hurting a lot, without intention, but hurting me.

She convinced me that she was not crazy, that because she is from another country with a different culture I don't understand certain behaviours she shows to me.
Four days ago, she left me again because I had to go for a business trip and She didn't want to be alone for so many days. She block me again to avoid any contact with her.

I don't know what to do, this leaving and coming back together is killing me. I don't know what to do. This situation is affecting me deep inside me. I am beginning to be worried about me, my mental health.

[lovenature]

Welcome paco

I don't know what to do, this leaving and coming back together is killing me. I don't know what to do. This situation is affecting me deep inside me. I am beginning to be worried about me, my mental health.

You have a good start in being worried about your mental health, also it has a direct affect on your emotional and physical health.
The push/pull behaviour you are experiencing is devastating to your self esteem and confidence; PWBPD push you away when you get too close and pull you back when you are too far away, this is of course totally opposite of what you know of basic human nature. BPD is a very serious mental illness, and sadly it is a disorder that protects the person who has it from emotions that are too painful for them to process: they feel intense shame and something like a slight criticism that would barely affect you, will cause a PWBPD to feel so low and unworthy of love that they must rely on their psychological defences to avoid their intense feelings.

Keep reading and learning, you will find that most PWBPD don't want help, blame their partner and ex.'s for their problems (common for them to be the poor victim), and remember that unless a person truly wants help, they will not get it.