It can be really hard to know what to do in those high-intensity situations, I get it. It's so stressful when kids are involved, too. There really aren't easy choices.
Have you ever considered calling a DV hotline to get their feedback? They aren't mandatory reporters and won't tell you "you just have to leave" -- they can give you some thoughtful advice for making it through those repeated escalations. They might be able to work with you to come up with a home safety plan, so that you don't have to "make it up as you go"; you have a set thing you and the kids can do when your H escalates.
It doesn't have to be "all or nothing": it's not like either "everything has to be fine" or "the kids and I are leaving". Hotline staff will understand that it's complicated and there can be many reasons to stay. Their focus will be on everyone's safety whether in or out of the home.
I think I just searched for something like "My City, My State DV hotline" and called my local one. I appreciated that they understood how things worked in my specific area.
There's also the
national hotline if you don't have a local one:
phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
text: send START to 88788
or web chat thru the site
When you get a few minutes, do you think you can connect with a hotline, and let us know what they said?
