The thing I am done with most at the moment is being 'cornered' - DD unloading her problems but whenever an option is suggested she just flies off, stomps off, slams the door or all of the above.
Me, too! To myself, I call it the cycle of frozen hopelessness. I just posted about another issue I'm having (her badmouthing others and trying to triangulate with me). Someone suggested that I say that that I'm feel overwhelmed/stressed and then asking her to stop. If she continues, then warning her that I will walk away. If she still persists, then walking away (or hanging up). The poster said that it works for her most of the time. I'm going to try it because it's really taxing on my own mental health.
I feel guilty because I know that she's feeling disregulated and wants to co-regulate with me. I'm willing to do this some but the refusal to consider anything or do anything different is maddening, especially when it's a couple of hours every night. I used to listen to her and when she asked me for advice and then got mad at me, I would just tell her that nothing will change unless she makes a change. I would ask her if something has worked for her in the past or if her therapist had helped her to think about what to do in a similar situation. That would just make her angry. Ultimately, she wanted me to fix things for her and I had to explain to her that she's a adult who gets to make her own decisions and experience the consequences of her decisions. After a couple of weeks of this, she would blow up and ghost me for several months by moving into her mother's house (I'm a step mom.).
It's hard. I know. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better. Mostly, I just piss her off. The 3 Cs of codependency have really helped me as I try to let go. I didn't create this, I can't control this, and I can't cure this. It's a mantra for me now when she's stressing me out. Sometimes I believe this but not always.
