I don't know how to approach my partner about negative feelings

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong category I'm posting in or anything I haven't used this or anything like this before, this is my first time asking for help on anything.

I just really want to know how to improve, recently I've been personally struggling with my emotions after things that upset me during fights with my partner or just general mental health issues i have, I haven't really been feeling the best and i love my partner and she's who i wanna go to so i can feel better and just get out all my emotions but sometimes i feel just somewhat nervous about speaking up about anything im feeling. There have been times where i can tell her whats wrong and that i feel depressed or hurt over something and it can end well, she's really truly an empathetic and caring person i just know she can struggle with feeling accused sometimes especially if i bring up something that hurt me or how im feeling. I need help on going about talking to her about things i feel hurt about, because for a long time i just feel like a lot of pain is building up and i never get it out like its just swept under the rug, my heart still aches from things that happened even years ago. I just want help on a way i can get feelings out to her and how i can approach her without making her feel accused, i dont mean to make her feel accused or upset at all i dont want to fight but i know that sometimes it can just end bad if i bring up my feelings. Any help on maybe the right words to use or anything i'd appreciate a lot

I apologize if my writing wasnt good or im doing something wrong or just ranting, i havent used this before
Thank you

[DropD444]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong category I'm posting in or anything I haven't used this or anything like this before, this is my first time asking for help on anything.

I just really want to know how to improve, recently I've been personally struggling with my emotions after things that upset me during fights with my partner or just general mental health issues i have, I haven't really been feeling the best and i love my partner and she's who i wanna go to so i can feel better and just get out all my emotions but sometimes i feel just somewhat nervous about speaking up about anything im feeling. There have been times where i can tell her whats wrong and that i feel depressed or hurt over something and it can end well, she's really truly an empathetic and caring person i just know she can struggle with feeling accused sometimes especially if i bring up something that hurt me or how im feeling. I need help on going about talking to her about things i feel hurt about, because for a long time i just feel like a lot of pain is building up and i never get it out like its just swept under the rug, my heart still aches from things that happened even years ago. I just want help on a way i can get feelings out to her and how i can approach her without making her feel accused, i dont mean to make her feel accused or upset at all i dont want to fight but i know that sometimes it can just end bad if i bring up my feelings. Any help on maybe the right words to use or anything i'd appreciate a lot

I apologize if my writing wasnt good or im doing something wrong or just ranting, i havent used this before
Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DropD444]

I wanna stress like i said she really is very kind at heart and caring and i know that side of her i just want help on how i can reach that side of her better when i need without causing her any feelings of being accused or that she's bad or anything, i dont ever ever say shes bad or does anything bad but sometimes when i try to say im hurt or upset she can take it that way, i wanna know how i can avoid her perceiving anything as accusatory if i can I really try hard

[once removed]

as you may know, and/or are finding out, people with bpd traits can be highly sensitive to perceived criticism or slights.

its hard to separate "i could have done better at _______" from "im a bad person".

There have been times where i can tell her whats wrong and that i feel depressed or hurt over something and it can end well,
...
i just know she can struggle with feeling accused sometimes especially if i bring up something that hurt me or how im feeling.

what has worked? what hasnt?